I unzipped the case to my great grandma’s bible––something I don’t do often enough. Out fell old programs from her church, printouts of bible verses, a booklet, and even an unused tissue. I cannot help but wonder if the tissue was from the last church service she attended. I can see it in her old but strong hand, listening to the church sermon. I imagine she always had a tissue when she sat in the wooden pew of her church––for those moments that she was moved to tears. My great grandma was undoubtably a godly women.
Today, the reason I pulled out the bible was for guidance. I felt a nagging in me and so I prayed. Praying wasn’t enough, I needed more. I walked upstairs hoping that the bible was not packed away just yet. There it sat on my shelf. I grabbed the bible, hugged it as close to my heart as I could, and walked down the stairs and sat on my couch. Like I mentioned, out fell her spiritual belongings and I put them aside. I opened to the pages she had bookmarked and searched. I found nothing and the nagging only got stronger. I sat deep in thought. You see, I am always wanting to be a better mom and our house is chaotic with this move…and I am tired, mentally tired. When I get like this, I get down on myself. I never want to stop trying to be a better parent. I never want to feel complacent. I never want to give up on my kids. I without thinking––picked up my great grandma’s things and starting looking through them. There was a booklet named Queen of Hearts: The role of Today’s Mom…copyright 1993. Not exactly current, eh? I decided to read it anyway. It was based on Proverbs 31. If you don’t know Proverbs 31––it is about being a virtuous women. The booklet describes how to realistically apply it into your life. The author explained that there is no perfect mom. She gave great examples to follow, even when you get discouraged. Needless to say, the nagging left as I read the words. I found what I needed.
Now, I know that I have had a sort of tunnel vision lately…this focus on religion may be more than slightly irritating to some reading my blog. I may seem naive and just plain dumb to those who oppose my beliefs. Here are my thoughts on all of this…
What if I am wrong?
What if there is no God?
All this time I have “wasted” on believing something that doesn’t have the science to back it up…
What if the day I die, I am just gone?
But then––what if I am right?
What if God is real?
My faith, my belief beyond all the doubt thrown at me was not in vain.
The day I die…I go to heaven.
On jugement day, I know my sins have been forgiven.
You see, if I am wrong––I’ll just die and I’ll never know that I was wrong.
I will take my chances and continue to believe in God.
I will continue to gather strength in praying and going to church.
I will continue to have faith and let go of control, knowing that God will handle things.
Believing in God, makes me happier.
It makes me want to be a better person.
It gives me the strength to get through the hard times.
It gives me more to be thankful for.
Simply put, the benefits of believing––outweigh the risk of not.