Tag: life
-
Dirty Little Feet
Bathtime. I can’t say I dread or despise it. It is more of a “going through the motions” time for me. There are always things I’d rather be doing or things that I feel are more productive. My oldest is pretty independent in the bath. My three year old, of course, is not. I am forced to stop what I am doing to sit in there with him. I should look forward to the downtime but I do not. Maybe it is because I’d rather spend my downtime reading with him––instead of washing his dirty feet. Don’t get me wrong, his dirty feet are adorable, but you know…who looks forward to washing feet?
As I was thinking this it struck me that when it comes to my kids I (sometimes) lose my servant heart. I could rationalize this by saying it is just washing feet. But when I think of the significance of Jesus washing his disciples’ feet and the purpose of him doing so, it puts things into perspective. Mostly, I put all I have when it comes to serving in my church, even with the little things. When I worked I did the same. But when it comes to certain things with my kids, I simply do not.
I know I cannot joyfully do everything in life. I cannot be perfect in parenthood. I need to show myself grace. I know I am a good mom. At the same time though, I need to point out things I can improve on. That is all a part of growing and striving to always become a better person…a better mom. So, next time I wash his dirty little feet, I will think of all the steps and jumps they have made through the day. All those step and jumps are a part of his journey. I will think of what a gift it is to have dirty little feet to wash. I will thank God for giving me the responsibility of taking care of dirty feet and everything else I take for granted as a parent.
God gave me and my husband two amazing boys to raise up to be men of God. We need to show them, even through the little things, how important it is to serve others.
When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
~John 13:12-15
-
The Life in Dying
I have seen all kinds of dying. I see it as a part of life most people overlook––in a sense. Maybe that will not make any sense to the average person. Maybe that is a good thing? I don’t know. I know people who have worked with dying patients may relate and I know people who have faced illness may relate. Really, why else would you think of death as such?
I remember my first death as a nurse. It was a peaceful death. It was expected. It was awkward being the one responsible for checking for the lack of vital signs. I remembered the rule of listening for a heartbeat for a full minute, the longest minute of my life, as all eyes of the family members were on me. I felt their tears on hold…justing waiting for the words before they burst out. The hardest part was getting the words out of my mouth. I couldn’t wait to get of the room so I could breathe.
I cannot recall how many deaths I have seen since. I’ve grown accustomed to every part of it. I know how to talk to a family and the patient of the impending outcome. I know how to explain (gently) why the body does not need the food the family insists on giving. I know when to stay in the room and I know when to give the family space. I am so good at death that I sometimes can see it coming just by a smell, by a subtle change in the skin, and by a look of the eyes.
Although I may have grown accustomed to the process, it is never easy to say goodbye to a patient and it is even harder to watch a family have to say goodbye to their loved one. I have shed many tears with family members––something I could not do at first. I had a very wise nurse tell me one time that it was okay to cry with the families from time to time. I took that advice because sometimes patients and their family become like family. I have gathered most of my wisdom of life from being a part of the last days of people’s life. I have learned what truly matters in life because of them.
I wish I could give some specific examples of what I have seen; I have seen some crazy things. There is something of a personal level that I do not feel comfortable sharing. It is not my story to blurt out on a blog. I am just a bystander in their last moments of life. What I do want to share is what I have learned. Most of it sounds too simple to be profound. But profound is usually found in the most simple things, isn’t it? Here’s what I got:
There is life in dying. There is a reason they are still living, even if for just another breath.
Family matters. People want their family there with them. They need to feel their hand being held. They need to hear it is okay to die. They need to hear, “I love you.”
Laughter. It is okay to laugh when someone is dying. Sit in the room and tell the funny stories.
Tears. Tears are okay too.
Money. It doesn’t matter. Not once have I heard a dying patient talk about the amount of money they made in a lifetime.
Attention. People want attention. Brush their hair. Straighten their sheets. Sometimes it is the little things that matter the most.
Forgiveness. Give it. Receive it. I have seen patients holding out to die because they are waiting for it. Don’t be stubborn.
Love. I told you simple, didn’t I?
Faith. I saved the best for last. Faith most definitely makes all the difference in death. I have seen the difference of someone with and someone without faith die. There is a difference. There really is.
-
His Land, or Mine.
Deuteronomy 11:10-15
10 The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden. 11 But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. 12 It is a land the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.
13 So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul— 14 then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil. 15 I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.
I used to loathe the Old Testament. The older I get, the more I love it. It feels so alive and enlightening and relevant…
I look at the many parallels between the Israelites and my life (our lives) and I feel a bit ashamed. Before, I would read their story and roll my eyes at their stupidity. Hello! They had God there with them showing them signs such as bread falling from heaven. He spoke through burning bushes. He parted the Red sea, for goodness sake.
This morning I read these verses as the rest of my family was still asleep. I allowed the words to penetrate every part of me. I closed my eyes and envisioned a gate. A gate that is always there, where ever I go…it is right there. I open it and walk through. I see all the things He has planted and cared for. I am taken care of. I can relax and breathe in His peace. His flowers bloom in their appropriate seasons. I don’t need to water them, his rains fall as He sees fit. But then, I get impatient. I think this flower should have already bloomed. So, I water it myself. I water it too much and it dies. The gate reopens and the winds blow me back into the barren land. I am just as stupid as the Israelites.
He sometimes allows me to stay in the barren land. I grumble just as they did. But then, I feel His presence. He has never left me. He simply waits for me to allow Him to care for the land He has provided. Only He knows how long I need this reminder. When He knows I am ready, the spirit leads me to reopen the gate.
How many ways can you see these verses? There’s literally, of course. That is how I first see it. It is history. Then, I see my life before and after Christ. I see my life now when I try to control things instead of following His lead. I see how humbling it is to let go and allow Him to care for me. I want to stop, be still, and let Him hold me.
-
Conflict
For someone such as myself who usually avoids conflict, I have to admit (at the present time) how grateful I am for it. Through conflict I am forced to examine where I stand and why. For without it, my comfort would thicken and thus my growth would lag…
Conflict. One side is right, the other is wrong. Both sides are right, both sides are wrong. Sometimes it doesn’t matter. Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, there is always something for all to learn. If you go through conflict and do not, I would suggest you are wrong even if you are right. You don’t need to be the wrong one to be the one to learn a lesson. Maybe it is that God wants you to draw nearer to Him because of what He has planned for your next step.
I struggled with this recently. I wanted clarity from the other side, the side I feel was/is wrong. I always strive to find clarity to the point it is a strength and a weakness. Sometimes it is not mine to have. Sometimes handing it to God and allowing Him to do His job is what I should be striving for. When I reminded myself of this, I saw why things sometimes linger.
God’s timing is not my timing. I feel as though I need to repeat. God’s timing is not my timing! Some have thicker walls built up around their hearts. It takes longer for them to see the lesson and sometimes it just isn’t their time. Maybe all that was meant for them was to chip away one more layer so that the next conflict or the one after can knock down the rest of the wall.
-
Let me count the ways.
I came across this picture yesterday as I was looking for another. This was taken at least ten years ago. First thing I noticed was (of course) his mustache. I chuckled as I remembered how the men in his office all grew one. I cannot recall the reason why and maybe because there was no significant reason. Just imagine walking in an office and seeing mustaches galore. Hilarious, right?
Next I noticed, or rather, I felt the love we had for each other even back then. A photo taken on an ordinary day. I obviously did not have my hair fixed pretty and did not have makeup on. I cherish and love this picture for what it shows and that is always more important than how I look.
So, this silly picture has me thinking. Today is my birthday. Not a milestone birthday…just regular one. But this man got off work early for me. He goes out of his way to make me feel special. It is in all the little things he does for me that reminds me not everyone has the kind of love we have. It is a simple fact and it is a blessing that I sometimes take for granted…
I place my head on his shoulder and am proud he is mine and I am his. There is no other that can balance me as he does. He strengthens me. He accepts my quirkiness and is my biggest fan (and boy am I quirky). I see the way my boys look up to him and I fall in love even deeper.
We laugh together, we flirt, and we roll our eyes about our mutual annoyances. We have countless inside jokes because we’re cool…or we’re dorks…either way. Did I mention he is the hardest person to stay mad at? If I look in his eyes I am done! He’s my best friend and the love of my life.
Okay, okay I’ll stop now. Sorry so mushy.
-
Broken Glasses
I noticed Luke’s glasses were not on his face as he crossed the street. He stopped in front of me and raised his hand where his broken glasses lay. I felt the pain as I looked in his eyes and he told me, “My friend broke them on the bus.” I looked up as the bus pulled away. I tried to motion for the bus to stop but it was too late.
I was a bit perturbed that the driver did not take the time to tell me of the incident and I knew getting a story out of an upset Luke would not be easy. For someone with such low vision like Luke, his glasses are truly a part of his body. So to have someone break them is the equivalent of getting a black eye from someone. He was sad and mad at the situation. Long story short, I kind of got the story of what happened and have also spoken to the school. I am not happy about it and I am not happy about how kids behave on the bus. They were rough housing and his friend took it too far.
What I am happy about is how Luke has handled it since. Luke decided after the incident that he no longer wants to sit with this kid. I so admire him for making this decision on his own. I know how hard it can be to make a decision such as this. Luke told me he doesn’t like how they play mean and doesn’t want to be friends with him. The more I think about it, the more proud I become. In life, you must choose your friends wisely. Sometimes it isn’t just about how a friend treats you. It is also about how you feel and how you act around a person.
-
Love, Love, LOVE!
Love. It boils down to love. Sadly, I think our definition of love has shifted. I think we need to start shifting it back. I think it is our responsibility as Christians to do so.
I believe all people crave the type of love defined in the bible. We are not giving it as fully as we should. We’d bring a lot more people to Christ if we did. There is no one beyond saving. I fully believe that. We need to stop worrying about what others may think. There is nothing to be ashamed about.
What do you think is worse? Downplaying our beliefs or being so passionate about our beliefs that we cannot contain them? I think many are afraid to act “too Christian”. As if that is going to push people away. This laissez-faire attitude does nothing for someone who is struggling. If I am on the fence on something and I see someone jumping for joy over a cause…they get my attention. Not the person who whispers, “I am a Christian. But don’t worry, I won’t bother you with my beliefs.” They should be looking at us and thinking, “What are they so excited about?”
Where do we start? With love, of course. With real love. The kind of love we receive from Christ. Love is supposed to be selfless, not selfish. Yet, we are not doing all we can to share it with others.
We need to remember we are all sinners. We all fall short. Christians have the gift of salvation. So, if we are given this gift (that we did nothing to earn) we need to be thankful for it. We shouldn’t be selfish with it. We should want everyone to have this gift. Since we are not God, who are we to decide who should hear about it and who should not? Our job is to love and share the gospel with everyone.
Love has given us forgiveness of our past, present, and future sins. That is something to be excited about every single day. The blood He shed for us–I will never deserve. But yet, I can be certain of my hope. I will be in heaven one day because of what He did for me. We all need to remember this. Love will never be easy for us this side of heaven, but we should never stop trying to love as He loves us.
-
A Strong Woman
She knows when to allow others to be in the spotlight.
She desires love, not attention.
She listens.
She thinks.
She knows her ways are not the ways of others and that is okay.
She has nothing to prove, not even to herself.
She encourages.
She finds her own path.
She feels no need to compete.
She speaks truth through her words and her actions.
She is humble.
She lives for others.
She knows how to say sorry.
She knows life is not a race to the finish, there is no need to say or do it first.
She knows the adventure is in the simple everyday life.
She doesn’t need to fill the empty space of time.
She laughs at herself more than others.
She is gentle.
She knows love is more than a feeling, it is an action.
She loves God above all else.
-
The Stance
Someone once told me…or maybe I read it somewhere…if you are feeling nervous or are in need of a confidence boost all you need to do is the ‘superhero’ stance. Simply stand up straight, place your hands on your hips, and look up. Now you can face anything.
I’ve never tried it, but the idea is intriguing. I can think of one situation I have been placed in recently where I could have used a little boost of confidence. Maybe I should have stood up from my chair and tried it.
This is something I have been praying about. Sometimes, in certain situations, I struggle with knowing what to say or do and it leads me to do nothing…that isn’t always good. Maybe I need to do the ‘superhero’ stance. As I look up I will be looking to the Lord for strength. It will be my ‘Lord give me strength’ stance.
Through the Stillness 