Tag: faith

Unwrapped Present
Have you ever had an idea, a great idea, maybe even a brilliant idea that just sits there? You think about it and you may talk about it. It feels right. It feels straight from God. It lines up with scripture. You know you have the spiritual gifts and passion for it, but it sits there on your shelf in a neatly wrapped package, untouched. Well I have. I actually do right now. When I think about reaching out to unwrap and use it something stops me.

I used to daydream about it. Then I would get impatient and disappointed in myself for not doing something. I was almost convinced it was fear stopping me, but when I would reach out to grab it that something that stopped me felt right too. Makes sense, right? It was like I knew this was something I truly need to do, but also I knew it something I was not ready to do.

I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. I was reminded of God’s timing. God does not live through the restraints of time like we do. A day, a month, a year doesn’t mean much as far as eternity goes. He is patient, he properly prepares us, he knows the plan we need to follow. Trust Him and His timing…know there is a time for urgency and there is a time to wait. Waiting is not a bad thing.

Someone once told me something I really need to remember every day of my life. It was something like this: God first, then your family, then your ministry (or God’s work), then everything else. When you get these out of order you will see it in every aspect of your life. So, maybe the reason why I haven’t been able to unwrap my present is because I had these a little mixed up. And I didn’t fully realize it. You probably don’t fully realize it. You are doing the best you think you can, you are doing good things, and you are a good person. You are just doing things out of order.

Through the busyness of life, we get swept away and Satan loves it. It is his best attack against us faithful God-fearing ones. He knows we aren’t going to stop believing in God and trying to do His work, so he tries messing with the order in which we should follow. Next time you have that great idea and it seems to just sit there, try looking at the order in which you are following. Maybe all you need to do is move things around a bit and God will help unwrap your present when the time is right.
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January 14, 2017

christianity, faith, life, trusting God
From a Manger to a Cross
I apologize to anyone who read my post last year…or other similar ones, but things lay heavy on me and what else am I to do? I feel there is more depth this year than last and am wondering next year if it is possible to transcend further into whatever it is you’d call it that I feel post-Christmas.

Life starts shifting back to normal. My kids are exhausted. My house is a disaster. I’m exhausted as well. I’m a bit of an introvert. I absolutely love people, I love to be around people. I also need and crave calm and quiet at times. I need both. I need time to reflect and get lost in my own mind. When there are many things I need to get done, like before Christmas, it sucks my energy. I become a bit recluse trying to do what needs to be done. Plus, this year I was sick and couldn’t rest trying to get it all done. I feel like I need to buy a t-shirt that says, “Sorry, I really do like you, but I’m peopled out.”

I am looking at the heaps of gifts scattered throughout our house and tell myself I’ll organize it later. I feel grateful for my family and for my husband’s family. We both have pretty low drama and intact families, at least compared to the norm. My kids are shown love and it is almost too normal for them to have the best of everything. I do my best to show them how blessed they are for all these things. We give back and I allow the boys to to be a part of choosing where and how we do so.

Obviously, I want to have my good life. Who wouldn’t? I feel blessed and I thank God for all we have. But, I feel a pulling inside me that just keeps growing. When did it start? I think it has always been there my entire life. It is just that sometimes I feel it to the point it physically hurts. I see what I have and I see what others don’t have and it makes me sad. The older I get the more I see and feel it.

Lately, I don’t think it is enough to just recognize it. It isn’t enough to donate clothes and old toys. It isn’t enough to donate money, goats, and so on to the poor. It just doesn’t feel like I’m dong enough. No, I’m not going to give up all we have to go wander the streets with my family to make myself feel better. I truly don’t know what I feel like I should be doing. I’m in this praying, waiting, praying stage. I’m practicing what I preach to others. Give it to God and wait on His answer.

I sit here staring out my window and reflect on the life of Jesus. It began in manger, a feeding trough. It ended on a cross, Him literally nailed to it. Everything in between the two was not a life fit for a king. Yet He is the King of Kings. Through the world’s eyes, no one would ask for such a life. He was not rich or powerful. He lived a life full of sacrifice. I think about sin and how we easily can sin on a daily basis. There are sins we fight daily and it takes great sacrifice not to succumb to at times. Think of all the sacrifices He made to live a sinless life. We know He was tempted. Yet He chose a path we could never. We are too weak to live a life such as His.

We rely on grace and many times take it for granted. We chew on the bread and sip the wine. We know what a blessing and gift it is to partake in. Yet most times, at least to a certain extent, Monday morning comes around and we fall right back into worldly thinking. We may read the Word and try to teach our kids the best we can. We send our prayers. We serve in the church. But, we don’t love our neighbors as we should and we surely don’t spread the gospel as we should. We don’t step out of our comfort to live the life God is calling us to.

The crazy part is God loves us despite all of this!

We know this because He sent His son to live a life we could never live and to die a horrible death to save us from ourselves. We are saved because of our King who began His life in a manger and ended it on a cross. He lived that life and here I am living my easy peasy one…and it doesn’t quite seem right.
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December 27, 2016

christianity, Christmas, church, faith, Family, God, Jesus, life, peace
Caution: Road Block Ahead
My normal twenty-minute trip of taking Oliver to school took me about 45 minutes this morning. Even my alternative route was closed. So I had to go another way, then another, and another. I got home and made myself a cup of coffee before I took off again to go shopping…by myself. Any parent knows the joy it brings to shop alone. I cannot tell you the frustration I felt when I looked out my window and saw my road was blocked. Yep, I live on the corner of a court with no other way out. I felt trapped and completely ticked.

All I could think of was how the construction is messing with my life and plans.

I took a few deep breaths and then sat in my favorite chair. My 72 pound lap dog jumped up on my lap and nestled in. Ranger’s drowsy eyes looked up at me before his big wrinkly head landed on my hand. He loudly exhaled and then closed his eyes. Within a minute he was snoring.

Apparently my dog was quite pleased with the construction that led to my being trapped. I rubbed his head with my free hand and began to relax. I realized I probably needed my dog and favorite chair more than I needed shopping. I began to sip my coffee and my thoughts carried me away. I wish I could say they carried me away from construction, but it was not so.

It dawned on me how easily we become frustrated with road blocks. Sometimes it is all we think about. Sometimes it trickles down into every aspect of our lives.

I’m not speaking the literal sense of a road block. I’m sure you’ve already picked up on that, though. You may even be nodding you head and are thinking of a situation in your own life. You are ready to move on. You want to go where you think/know you want/need to go, but you just can’t get there for because of the stinking road block.

Presently, I do not have any major road blocks. At least none I am aware of. I can recall the ones I’ve had in the past. I remember the frustration. I remember the only if’s. Only if…then my life would be better. I could accomplish more. I could be a better mom, spouse, friend, or whatever. I could be more faithful. I could be more…

What we fail to see is the significance of the road block. God needs for us to stop so He can do the construction needed within us and around us. He is the one who knows the best path. We need to trust Him when He takes us on unexpected or inconvenient ways.

Amazing how with just a twist of perspective, the meaning of trapped and inconvenienced transforms into our ever-loving God fixing and beautifying us and our path called life.
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October 14, 2016

christianity, faith, God, Jesus, life, struggles, trusting God
Season of Change
The once green leaves darkened and dried.

I never thought to just let them go.

I prayed for strength to keep and bear them.

Still, the crisp air came and began to rip them away.

Some twirled, some plummeted, some fast, some slow.

But all landed on the ground around me.

I didn’t believe they would wander far.

Give me the strength Lord, please.

They may still come back to me.

Slowly the wind picked them up.

One by one they flew further and further.

I tried reaching down to grab them.

God simply told me no.

I realized a season of change had come.

New leaves would surely emerge.

But only after the release of all the old.
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September 27, 2016

christianity, faith, life, poetry, trusting God
To Live Like Geese
As I looked up through the fog I saw it. The geese were flying in a perfect v-formation. I wish I could have snapped a picture. I don’t know, there was something about the fog that made it more beautiful. Don’t laugh, but it kind of felt like a scene from a movie. I know, I know, my imagination gets the best of me.

I always have so much running through my mind and it is in those moments that it all comes together for me. I should clarify. I don’t always have movie scene moments. I promise my life is not that enchanting.

Anyway, I was sitting in my chair and thinking of the v-formation and the significance of it. When geese fly together each goose is just as important as the next. They all matter. The lead goose moves to the back to rest and another takes over. No one goose is expected to expend the most energy all the time.

It is together they reduce air resistance. They fly further and with less energy than they can alone.

Like the v-formation, the church (the body of believers) is there to reduce resistance of this world. We are called to. When we fall out of formation, we are not as strong. We can’t fly as far alone. We just can’t.

So yeah, we have a thing or two to learn from the life of geese. Who would have thought?
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September 9, 2016

christianity, faith, life
My One Prayer
Everyone has that one thing they pray for the most. You may never share this prayer with anyone but Him. You may believe it will never be answered or at least answered the way you want it to be. But still, you want it so badly you continue to pray and sometimes beg or try to negotiate a deal with God. Sometimes, if you are like me, you will feel guilty for continuously praying for this one thing. Because you know you are blessed and things could always be worse. But yet, you cannot help but to relentlessly pray for it.

My prayer is for my oldest son, Luke, who has Ocular Albinism. I don’t pray for God to take his Ocular Albinism away. I do pray for his future and his ability to adapt to this world. I pray people are kind to him because of his difficulties. I pray he one day falls in love and marries a girl who is strongly rooted in God. I pray for his future children.

My one prayer, though, is that one day his visual acuity will be enough for him to get a driver’s license. At the end of the day, I know the above prayers should have more priority. I just cannot help it. I want my son to be able to drive. It is my one selfish prayer. I want to one day hand him the keys to my car…or to Matt’s car and say don’t be home too late with tears streaming down my face. I want to see him roll his eyes and say, “I’ll be fine, Mom. I’m just driving down the street.” I want Matt to place his hand on my shoulder as he says, “Luke will be just fine”. That is what I want.

Today, driving home from Luke’s eye doctor appointment, I cried a little like I always do. This time, for the first time, the tears were filled with fragments of hope. Not a lot of hope, but just enough for me to exhale a sigh of relief. Every single appointment, even the first appointment where Luke was diagnosed, the doctor has mentioned that Luke will probably never be able to drive. It is something he knows bothers parents. He always says he doesn’t want to give parents false hope. I respect that about him. It can’t be easy. Today was different. Luke’s vision has improved some. He said it is quite possible Luke’s vision will improve enough where he could possibly be able to get a driver’s license.

It took me about ten minutes to process that. In the parking lot after Matt and I got the kids in the car, he pulled me in for a hug. Yes, I thought, he really did say what I thought he said. It was the first time I left that place without a knot in my stomach. I explained it to Luke when we got home and we talked a bit about his eye disorder. I had never spoken that in depth about it with him. I felt it was time and at the end I was able to give him a little hope. His reaction told me it was the right time.

Hope and possibility are worth holding tightly to, even when there is still a chance things may not end up to your liking. Sometimes all we have in this life is a little hope. A little hope has to be enough. It is enough for me. Thank you, Lord.
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August 9, 2016

christianity, faith, Family, God, hope, life, love, ocular albinism, parenting
The Light in the Darkness
Last night my nephew stayed the night. We let the boys stay up a bit past their bedtimes so we can catch lightening bugs. As they were running around, I realized it had been a while since I had been outside in the dark. With young kids we cling to the light––we close up shop for the day. Oh my, it was a beautiful night and I was in awe of the dark cloudy sky. A much needed light glimmered through and around me.

I walked around our yard and watched the boys. I remembered the joys of my own childhood. I pictured my young self standing still and waiting for the small flickering of light. I felt the sneaking up, the holding up of one palm, and then the taking of the other hand to quickly trap the lightening bug. My favorite part was the release. Sometimes they would immediately fly off and other times they would linger for a few seconds. I would not move until I once again saw their flickering of light in the darkness. Then I was off to find the next flickering of light. I never had any doubt that I would find another.

I began to think of the pain in this world, of the darkness the pain brings. The sun always goes down and the darkness always finds its way. My natural instinct as a parent is to wrap my arms around my kids and pull them close to me. I want to cover their eyes and shield them from the darkness of this world. I love my children and want to protect them. I can’t though.

Instead of always trying to shield them, I need to show them how to stand in the darkness by always looking to God. One day they will have to stand in the darkness and I will not be able to shield them. I will not be able to shield them. (I have to say it once more.) I will not be able to shield them. What I can do is continue to equip them by:
- Teaching them the Word.
- Praying with them
- Praying for them.
- Leading by example.
- Pointing out the light in the darkness, even if it is just a flicker.
- Being their light when I can.
- Allowing them to be my light when they can.
- Trusting God and God’s path for them.
- Praising, loving, and striving to be more like Christ with them…the only unwavering light in this dark world.
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July 27, 2016

christianity, faith, Family, God, life, love, parenting, peace, photography, trusting God
To Stay Afloat
I have always wanted to buy an old house to fix up. Old houses have character that a newer house cannot compete with. That probably will never happen, but a girl can dream, you know. It isn’t just houses, anything old excites me. I don’t know how to describe it. I think it started as a child. We lived in this old farmhouse. I remember the creaky wooden steps. I remember the floors, the cabinets, the built in shelves, the scary basement. I remember the old barns we would explore and play in. I remember all the little details that most people would overlook.

My love for old things carried on through the years. I blame mostly my dad for this love of old things. He would buy wooden boats. We would spend the winter fixing them up. It was hard work. Me being the smallest, I was always given the job of climbing down by the engine. I had to pull out the leaves and whatever else was down there. I don’t miss that part. My favorite part was redoing the cabin. Sanding, staining, and varnishing the wood was fun to me. I felt as though it was our living room of the boat. I am all about making things feel comfortable. My brothers were more into the exterior part. The things that made the boat float. My dad taught us how to work hard. Our boats showed us, literally, how hard work pays off. Putting the boat in the water for the first time and wondering if it will stay afloat. When it did…aah…what an amazing feeling!

I think of life much like I do of old wooden boats. You need to put work into it to stay afloat. Think about a time when you let things go. Those cracks in whatever area of life you let go start holding in water and then eventually you feel as though you are sinking. You grab your bucket and start throwing the water out, but the water keeps filling back up. What you really need to do is fix the cracks. In order to do that, you may need to pull your boat out of water. Sometimes all you need to use is a sealant. Other times you need replace some of the wood as well.

Spiritual life is the same. I think that is where many people get confused. You don’t need to earn your salvation. Jesus did the work for you. But you do need to do some work if you want your faith to grow. What happens when you fall out of prayer and you slide away from reading His word? You will start sinking right back into the world and worldly thinking.

We need to protect ourselves from the exterior things that wear us down and we need to protect ourselves from the things (sin) within ourselves as well. As christians we need to continuously seal and repair our cracks so we can stay afloat. The more afloat we become, the more we can help others stay afloat and see the love of Christ.
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July 18, 2016

christianity, faith, life
Best Delivery Ever!
I have just had a rough day today. I can’t or don’t even want to explain it. There is so much on my mind and just too much going on that has worn me down. (Insert crazy face.) I don’t even know. I hate complaining and I hate talking about these things. Sometimes I feel I don’t have the right person to talk to. I have people that I trust…but sometimes I don’t want to burden them.

I went to bible study this morning and usually that gives me peace. Not today. No, all I wanted to do is leave. I never feel that way.

Then, there’s the kid who is having a rough time adjusting to summer. I truly think I need to make a schedule for him. Maybe that would give him the sense of order he needs. He gets himself in trouble. He doesn’t act like himself when there is any change. I guess that is something I will always struggle with when it comes to him because I am the complete opposite. I can adapt to change like a champ. Maybe I need to start meeting him in the middle more.

I feel like lately I have been saying, “Ugh life!” way too often. You know, this happened to this person and that is happening to that person is all I keep hearing. I know it will all pass. It is just it feels like it all happens at the same time!

So, I ordered new shoe racks and they arrived today. Exciting isn’t it? The boys always love playing with boxes like all kids do. Today they played delivery man. First up was Luke hiding in the box, then Oliver, and then crayons. When they told me I had one last delivery, I figured it would be something like dirty socks or something. They assured me it would be the best delivery ever. It really was the best delivery ever––my bible. Needless to say, my mood changed instantly.

Life is going to be life. Things get rough, busy, overwhelming, sad, irritating, and so on. But then we get these little moments that remind us of the best delivery ever. We don’t even need to pay for this delivery, well maybe you do need to pay for a bible…it isn’t ok to steal. But what is free is his love. He is always there for us and His word is always there to turn to.
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July 1, 2016

christianity, faith, God, life
The Things That Make Us Weird
Some may think I’m weird for caring so much about trees. It is just that––I see them as part of God’s artwork. I see how God intricately wove them, just as he did with you and I. Each tree has its own unique beauty.

Uniqueness has a way of calming me.

One never knows by looking at a seed, how it will turn out. We plant and we wait. We can guess and we can try to manipulate a bit. The thing is, nature has a way of following God’s plan better than us human’s do.

It is funny and weird, but I like the way the leaves sound on a windy day. I like looking at the shoots and branches and how they grow and have little control. It somehow pulls me into the moment. It reminds me to stop thinking and just be. It reminds me of who is really in control.

Yesterday, we had our trees trimmed. I was devastated when I found they completely cut one of the shoots. I actually almost cried. They destroyed the most unique part of this tree. The shoot shot out in a curve and covered part of the driveway like a canopy and now it is gone. I’m no idiot, I understand the reasoning. Still, it makes me sad.

Maybe it goes to show and reinforce the type of person I am. I used the example of plastic surgery to my husband. What if I went under the knife and changed what made me unique? My husband listened (really listened) to my rambling and I love him for that. I love he cares about and accepts my weirdness. I don’t want to look or be like everyone else. I know you are probably laughing at me right now. It is a stinking tree, for goodness sake.

I like the things that make us weird.

I will get used to the tree once again. I will see the benefits eventually. It will darken and blend in with the tree, just as we change and blend in with the world. I hope I never fully forget what used to set this tree apart. Just as, I hope you never forget what sets you apart…
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June 8, 2016

christianity, control, faith, life, peace