My One Prayer

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Everyone has that one thing they pray for the most. You may never share this prayer with anyone but Him. You may believe it will never be answered or at least answered the way you want it to be.  But still, you want it so badly you continue to pray and sometimes beg or try to negotiate a deal with God. Sometimes, if you are like me, you will feel guilty for continuously praying for this one thing.  Because you know you are blessed and things could always be worse.  But yet, you cannot help but to relentlessly pray for it.

My prayer is for my oldest son, Luke, who has Ocular Albinism. I don’t pray for God to take his Ocular Albinism away.  I do pray for his future and his ability to adapt to this world.  I pray people are kind to him because of his difficulties. I pray he one day falls in love and marries a girl who is strongly rooted in God.  I pray for his future children.

My one prayer, though, is that one day his visual acuity will be enough for him to get a driver’s license. At the end of the day, I know the above prayers should have more priority. I just cannot help it. I want my son to be able to drive. It is my one selfish prayer. I want to one day hand him the keys to my car…or to Matt’s car and say don’t be home too late with tears streaming down my face.  I want to see him roll his eyes and say, “I’ll be fine, Mom. I’m just driving down the street.”  I want Matt to place his hand on my shoulder as he says, “Luke will be just fine”.  That is what I want.

Today, driving home from Luke’s eye doctor appointment, I cried a little like I always do. This time, for the first time, the tears were filled with fragments of hope.  Not a lot of hope, but just enough for me to exhale a sigh of relief. Every single appointment, even the first appointment where Luke was diagnosed, the doctor has mentioned that Luke will probably never be able to drive. It is something he knows bothers parents. He always says he doesn’t want to give parents false hope.  I respect that about him.  It can’t be easy. Today was different. Luke’s vision has improved some. He said it is quite possible Luke’s vision will improve enough where he could possibly be able to get a driver’s license.

It took me about ten minutes to process that. In the parking lot after Matt and I got the kids in the car, he pulled me in for a hug.  Yes, I thought, he really did say what I thought he said. It was the first time I left that place without a knot in my stomach. I explained it to Luke when we got home and we talked a bit about his eye disorder. I had never spoken that in depth about it with him. I felt it was time and at the end I was able to give him a little hope. His reaction told me it was the right time.

Hope and possibility are worth holding tightly to, even when there is still a chance things may not end up to your liking. Sometimes all we have in this life is a little hope. A little hope has to be enough.  It is enough for me.  Thank you, Lord.

 

15 thoughts on “My One Prayer

  1. For I too have cried many, Many tears. Believe me when I say, I still do. The struggles are real. BUt God new what he was doing by giving us these boys. My Boys make me a stronger person because of what they have to endure on a daily bases that I see. Luke will do amazing things. Josh cannot drive. Adam will not drive. It’s not a big issue. If I can do it. YOU can and will do it!

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    1. Knowing how well your boys are doing really gives me encouragement. Hearing that the driving isn’t a big issue helps as well. God truly gave us amazing boys and I have become a stronger person because of Luke too. I get caught up at times but overall Luke has helped me to see what truly is important in life. Thank you, Paula. 🙂

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  2. I needed to hear this. I have a special needs child with neurological damage. Among other things she has Cortical Visual Impairment. I understand that deep fear for your child’s future. For me, I want Micaela to be able to communicate to others someday. Hope is often the only thing that keeps me going. I think most of all, it is nice to hear that others pray that one prayer over and over again. Thank you!

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  3. What a beautiful testimony! I have experienced God’s mercy on behalf of my children on several occasions; it is only in hanging on to hope in Jesus that we can walk through those hard places. Blessings!

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  4. Yep, we do all have that one thing. Don’t ever lose hope though! I wake up every day expecting to be able to see clearly (praying for my eyesight as well). One day, I woke up and everything was CLEAR AS DAY. I was SO excited. I ran upstairs and checked the clock from a distance… I could see it. Then, I noticed my eyes were scratchy. I went to the washroom and realized I had slept with my contacts in. Woops! But everyday still, I wake up expecting to see clearly. I don’t know if God is going to cure my eyesight but I do know I won’t ever stop believing He works miracles. Also, my cousin couldn’t drive so she got a job working on cruise ships. She worked on them for 15 years and literally saw almost the whole world. She met and worked on Oprah’s boat, Lenny Kravitz’s boat, Michael Bubble’s boat (whatever his name is), met Al Gore, amongst others! When God closes a door He always swings another WIDE open and usually, there’s way more blessings behind it than the one we planned to walk through 🙂 God bless!

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    1. Oh, I got a chuckle out of your story about your contacts! Sounds like something I would do. Also, what an awesome story about your cousin. Very inspiring, thank you for sharing.

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  5. Thank you so much for stopping by The Ruminant Scribe. I am humbled that you looked at my post. I appreciate your struggle and will pray that His grace will flow over you as you watch Him working in your son’s life, and in yours. God always gives us exactly what we need, although there have been times in my life that I thought He had more confidence in me than I had … He never failed me, not even once, through major medical issues, marital issues, etc. Again, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it greatly.

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