Tag: christianity

The Things That Make Us Weird
Some may think I’m weird for caring so much about trees. It is just that––I see them as part of God’s artwork. I see how God intricately wove them, just as he did with you and I. Each tree has its own unique beauty.

Uniqueness has a way of calming me.

One never knows by looking at a seed, how it will turn out. We plant and we wait. We can guess and we can try to manipulate a bit. The thing is, nature has a way of following God’s plan better than us human’s do.

It is funny and weird, but I like the way the leaves sound on a windy day. I like looking at the shoots and branches and how they grow and have little control. It somehow pulls me into the moment. It reminds me to stop thinking and just be. It reminds me of who is really in control.

Yesterday, we had our trees trimmed. I was devastated when I found they completely cut one of the shoots. I actually almost cried. They destroyed the most unique part of this tree. The shoot shot out in a curve and covered part of the driveway like a canopy and now it is gone. I’m no idiot, I understand the reasoning. Still, it makes me sad.

Maybe it goes to show and reinforce the type of person I am. I used the example of plastic surgery to my husband. What if I went under the knife and changed what made me unique? My husband listened (really listened) to my rambling and I love him for that. I love he cares about and accepts my weirdness. I don’t want to look or be like everyone else. I know you are probably laughing at me right now. It is a stinking tree, for goodness sake.

I like the things that make us weird.

I will get used to the tree once again. I will see the benefits eventually. It will darken and blend in with the tree, just as we change and blend in with the world. I hope I never fully forget what used to set this tree apart. Just as, I hope you never forget what sets you apart…
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June 8, 2016

christianity, control, faith, life, peace
Who’s Teaching Who?
I opened Oliver’s car door, unstrapped his carseat belt, and he climbed out. As soon as his feet hit the sidewalk he glanced up waiting for my nod and off he went. He ran toward the playground and I swear I could feel his joy. In those moments time slows down. I try to savor them because I know before long my kids will be older and playgrounds will lose their magic. They will lose some of themselves to this world as well, no matter how hard I try to encourage them not to. We all lose some of ourselves to this world.

I sat and watched Oliver climb and jump and run. His wild imagination took him to some faraway land. There were no other kids and so he entertained himself until another kid, a girl, showed up. Their eyes met, they smiled, and they immediately started playing. It was that simple.

The pressures of the world have pulled us ‘adults’ away from what really matters. What if we lived our lives like kids do at playgrounds?

The way Oliver and this little girl met–they felt safe and free to be themselves in an instant. They didn’t judge each other. They didn’t care who lived in a bigger house…who had a higher degree…they just looked at each other and decided to spend a moment of their lives together. They didn’t expect anything from each other except attention and a few smiles and laughs.

Before we left the park a dad and his kid showed up. The dad looked at me and asked how old my kids were. He assumed Oliver and this little girl were siblings with how they played. Yep. How much would change if we saw more people as our brothers and sisters?

It’s funny how we grow up and spend so much time teaching our kids, when really there is so much we should be learning from them.
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June 3, 2016

christianity, Family, life, parenting
Be Still
A few weeks ago someone I consider close said something hurtful to me. I cannot stop thinking about it. It was one of those things the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.

Be still…

My grandpa had a quintuple bypass surgery. I’ve been so scared to lose him. I am not ready for that.

Be still…

I feel our lives have been so busy. We can’t get caught up on the little things.

Be still…

I am not sure why, maybe from busyness, there’s a loneliness creeping in.

Be still…

I know not everyone will agree, but there seems to be so many changes in the world and I don’t like them.

Be still…

So many I know and love are hurting.

Be Still…

(The list goes on and on.)

But then, I think of my kids and how much they mean to me.

There’s the stillness…

Their faces lit up when their dad, my husband pulled into the driveway.

There’s the stillness…

I hear my husband’s laugh.

There’s the stillness…

Our nighttime routine, our family prayers, our ever-growing traditions, our love.

There’s the stillness

I look and see my completely marked up (falling apart) bible.

There’s the stillness…

My knowing when I’m scared, or when someone is hurtful toward me, when life gets crazy, or when I worry about loved ones, when I miss loved ones, or when Satan tries pulling me down I know where to turn. I know because He whispers to me…

Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
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May 13, 2016

christianity, faith, Family, Jesus, life, love, praying, trusting God
Reminder
This morning was one of those not so fun mornings all parents experience. I woke up realizing today was the day Luke needed his costume for a Spanish video. I thought I had another day to find the top. I felt horrible! (I did end up finding it.) Then, Oliver colored his entire body with marker to get into whatever character he was trying to be and of course we all needed to get ready and so on. Five minutes before Luke needed to be at the bus stop, he opened up his art kit. I told him he needed to get out the door and he wouldn’t listen. Anyway, he came over to me with a marker, grabbed my hand and did this. “Mommy, I think you need this reminder today.” He gave me a hug and left for school.

Life will never be perfect and we will never be perfect. In those not so great moments we need to take a deep breath and remember His love and sacrifice on the cross. Thanks for the reminder, Luke!
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May 4, 2016

christianity, cross, faith, Family, God, Jesus, life, love
Overgrown Grass
One of my favorite things to do is look at pictures. My fondest memory consists of sitting on the floor at my great grandma’s house and going through photo albums. It was what I looked forward to the most when we went for a visit. I loved the stories that went along with each picture. More though, I loved that the pictures themselves said more than what the spoken stories told.

I happen to like taking pictures as well. I am no photographer, but, there is something that happens to me when I am behind the camera: I feel inspired and I feel as though I become part of something larger than ordinary life. Maybe I should take some courses to improve my skills, or maybe I should just continue not thinking and just snap away not worrying about the result.

I do not remember where this particular photo was taken or why I even decided to take the shot. I see nothing except overgrown grass and darkness. I wonder what my thoughts were at the time. I wonder why I was standing in the midst of overgrown grass. Was I trying to take a picture of something that merely was hidden in the darkness past the power of my lens’ ability?

Funny how often in life beyond the camera I do the same. I get caught up in trying to see into the darkness––instead of focusing on the overgrown grass I am in the midst of…

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

~Matthew 6:34
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April 20, 2016

christianity, faith, God, life, photography, trusting God
Protected: The Fear of Hanging Upside Down

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christianity, fear, life
Dirty Little Feet
Bathtime. I can’t say I dread or despise it. It is more of a “going through the motions” time for me. There are always things I’d rather be doing or things that I feel are more productive. My oldest is pretty independent in the bath. My three year old, of course, is not. I am forced to stop what I am doing to sit in there with him. I should look forward to the downtime but I do not. Maybe it is because I’d rather spend my downtime reading with him––instead of washing his dirty feet. Don’t get me wrong, his dirty feet are adorable, but you know…who looks forward to washing feet?

As I was thinking this it struck me that when it comes to my kids I (sometimes) lose my servant heart. I could rationalize this by saying it is just washing feet. But when I think of the significance of Jesus washing his disciples’ feet and the purpose of him doing so, it puts things into perspective. Mostly, I put all I have when it comes to serving in my church, even with the little things. When I worked I did the same. But when it comes to certain things with my kids, I simply do not.

I know I cannot joyfully do everything in life. I cannot be perfect in parenthood. I need to show myself grace. I know I am a good mom. At the same time though, I need to point out things I can improve on. That is all a part of growing and striving to always become a better person…a better mom. So, next time I wash his dirty little feet, I will think of all the steps and jumps they have made through the day. All those step and jumps are a part of his journey. I will think of what a gift it is to have dirty little feet to wash. I will thank God for giving me the responsibility of taking care of dirty feet and everything else I take for granted as a parent.

God gave me and my husband two amazing boys to raise up to be men of God. We need to show them, even through the little things, how important it is to serve others.

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.

~John 13:12-15
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March 24, 2016

christianity, faith, Family, God, Jesus, life, love, parenting, serving others
The Life in Dying
I have seen all kinds of dying. I see it as a part of life most people overlook––in a sense. Maybe that will not make any sense to the average person. Maybe that is a good thing? I don’t know. I know people who have worked with dying patients may relate and I know people who have faced illness may relate. Really, why else would you think of death as such?

I remember my first death as a nurse. It was a peaceful death. It was expected. It was awkward being the one responsible for checking for the lack of vital signs. I remembered the rule of listening for a heartbeat for a full minute, the longest minute of my life, as all eyes of the family members were on me. I felt their tears on hold…justing waiting for the words before they burst out. The hardest part was getting the words out of my mouth. I couldn’t wait to get of the room so I could breathe.

I cannot recall how many deaths I have seen since. I’ve grown accustomed to every part of it. I know how to talk to a family and the patient of the impending outcome. I know how to explain (gently) why the body does not need the food the family insists on giving. I know when to stay in the room and I know when to give the family space. I am so good at death that I sometimes can see it coming just by a smell, by a subtle change in the skin, and by a look of the eyes.

Although I may have grown accustomed to the process, it is never easy to say goodbye to a patient and it is even harder to watch a family have to say goodbye to their loved one. I have shed many tears with family members––something I could not do at first. I had a very wise nurse tell me one time that it was okay to cry with the families from time to time. I took that advice because sometimes patients and their family become like family. I have gathered most of my wisdom of life from being a part of the last days of people’s life. I have learned what truly matters in life because of them.

I wish I could give some specific examples of what I have seen; I have seen some crazy things. There is something of a personal level that I do not feel comfortable sharing. It is not my story to blurt out on a blog. I am just a bystander in their last moments of life. What I do want to share is what I have learned. Most of it sounds too simple to be profound. But profound is usually found in the most simple things, isn’t it? Here’s what I got:

There is life in dying. There is a reason they are still living, even if for just another breath.

Family matters. People want their family there with them. They need to feel their hand being held. They need to hear it is okay to die. They need to hear, “I love you.”

Laughter. It is okay to laugh when someone is dying. Sit in the room and tell the funny stories.

Tears. Tears are okay too.

Money. It doesn’t matter. Not once have I heard a dying patient talk about the amount of money they made in a lifetime.

Attention. People want attention. Brush their hair. Straighten their sheets. Sometimes it is the little things that matter the most.

Forgiveness. Give it. Receive it. I have seen patients holding out to die because they are waiting for it. Don’t be stubborn.

Love. I told you simple, didn’t I?

Faith. I saved the best for last. Faith most definitely makes all the difference in death. I have seen the difference of someone with and someone without faith die. There is a difference. There really is.
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March 7, 2016

christianity, death, faith, Family, God, life, peace
His Land, or Mine.
Deuteronomy 11:10-15

10 The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden. 11 But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. 12 It is a land the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.

13 So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul— 14 then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil. 15 I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.

I used to loathe the Old Testament. The older I get, the more I love it. It feels so alive and enlightening and relevant…

I look at the many parallels between the Israelites and my life (our lives) and I feel a bit ashamed. Before, I would read their story and roll my eyes at their stupidity. Hello! They had God there with them showing them signs such as bread falling from heaven. He spoke through burning bushes. He parted the Red sea, for goodness sake.

This morning I read these verses as the rest of my family was still asleep. I allowed the words to penetrate every part of me. I closed my eyes and envisioned a gate. A gate that is always there, where ever I go…it is right there. I open it and walk through. I see all the things He has planted and cared for. I am taken care of. I can relax and breathe in His peace. His flowers bloom in their appropriate seasons. I don’t need to water them, his rains fall as He sees fit. But then, I get impatient. I think this flower should have already bloomed. So, I water it myself. I water it too much and it dies. The gate reopens and the winds blow me back into the barren land. I am just as stupid as the Israelites.

He sometimes allows me to stay in the barren land. I grumble just as they did. But then, I feel His presence. He has never left me. He simply waits for me to allow Him to care for the land He has provided. Only He knows how long I need this reminder. When He knows I am ready, the spirit leads me to reopen the gate.

How many ways can you see these verses? There’s literally, of course. That is how I first see it. It is history. Then, I see my life before and after Christ. I see my life now when I try to control things instead of following His lead. I see how humbling it is to let go and allow Him to care for me. I want to stop, be still, and let Him hold me.
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February 25, 2016

christianity, faith, God, life, peace, trusting God
Conflict
For someone such as myself who usually avoids conflict, I have to admit (at the present time) how grateful I am for it. Through conflict I am forced to examine where I stand and why. For without it, my comfort would thicken and thus my growth would lag…

Conflict. One side is right, the other is wrong. Both sides are right, both sides are wrong. Sometimes it doesn’t matter. Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, there is always something for all to learn. If you go through conflict and do not, I would suggest you are wrong even if you are right. You don’t need to be the wrong one to be the one to learn a lesson. Maybe it is that God wants you to draw nearer to Him because of what He has planned for your next step.

I struggled with this recently. I wanted clarity from the other side, the side I feel was/is wrong. I always strive to find clarity to the point it is a strength and a weakness. Sometimes it is not mine to have. Sometimes handing it to God and allowing Him to do His job is what I should be striving for. When I reminded myself of this, I saw why things sometimes linger.

God’s timing is not my timing. I feel as though I need to repeat. God’s timing is not my timing! Some have thicker walls built up around their hearts. It takes longer for them to see the lesson and sometimes it just isn’t their time. Maybe all that was meant for them was to chip away one more layer so that the next conflict or the one after can knock down the rest of the wall.
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February 13, 2016

christianity, conflict, faith, God, life, trusting God