Tag: christianity

Finding the Joy in Parenting
Choices. As a parent you are always making choices. Sometimes your brain is dizzy with all the things you need to decide. You want what is best for your kids and many times it is hard to measure the results. You make a choice. You hope and pray it was the right one. You wait. You breathe a sigh of relief when you find you did the right thing. You feel ill when you find you did the wrong thing. Sometimes you wait years to see if it was the right choice. Sometimes you will never know.

You have information thrown at you from all directions. It is as though everyone knows how to be the perfect parent. Well, until it is your own child that you are parenting. Because, once you look your child in the eye and feel the overwhelming love, you just know there is too much at stake to even try to pretend you know what to do all the time. Once you see your child struggle or mess up, you know there is no cookie cutter way to parent your imperfect and unique child…

How do you ease your weary mind and embrace the joy of parenting? The answer is a little different for everyone. Again, there is no cookie cutter way.

I feel like I do a decent job (most days) at enjoying this sometimes arduous journey. Here are some tips I have picked up along the way:
1. If it isn’t broke, simply leave it alone. If something works for you and your family then screw what everyone else thinks.
2. Do listen to advice, though. Some people know more than you. But don’t forget, it is your choice on what advice you follow.
3. If you don’t follow someone’s advice, don’t feel guilty. Seriously, don’t. You know your child the best. You also know your own limits. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
4. Honor your limits. Honor your spouse’s limits. Honor your kids limits. Enough said.
5. Don’t judge other parents. You are not in their shoes. You do not know their child as they do.
6. Don’t compare and don’t ever compete. No one enjoys being around those who try to compete or get their kids involved in such nonsense.
7. Allow your child to be who they are, not who you think they should be. This may be hard, but, your kids know themselves better than you know them. (I have to thank my parents for doing a great job at this one.)
8. Forget the rules sometimes. Just have fun. Sing loud, dance, and get a little goofy with them.
9. Love them. Figure out how they feel loved. Give it to them unconditionally.
10. Let them love you. Accept the way they show love and appreciate it.
11. Most importantly, trust God and His will for your kids. God’s got this, guys. He really does.
Feel free to share any tips I may have missed.
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
March 21, 2017

christianity, Family, God, life, love, parenting
This Thing Called Grace
I think of the crushing weight that pressed on His beautiful soul. The beauty He held, I can never fully grasp. I try to comprehend. I close my eyes and picture the cross. I picture the events leading up. I skim over the hard parts. My body clenches at the very thought of trying to endure even one lashing. The driven nails are pulled out by my selfish need to fend off pain before it ever really begins.

The purpose of His dying was so I could be free from the yoke. Yet, there are times I forfeit the lightness that was so freely given to me. Why do I trample on my clean soul? Why do I worry, I fear, and I forget? I hold a beautiful opened gift and I sometimes wrap it back up and tuck it away for a rainy day. Maybe not always, maybe not as much as I used to, maybe not as much as others…but enough to feel the chains that bind.

Now, here’s the thing that gets me every time. I do not need to shed any blood or endure any of what He did. I do not need to earn His love or His approval. All I need is faith. He sees me as me. Not as the world portrays me to be…not what I portray me to be either. He…loves…me.

Whenever I tuck this thing called grace away, he gently helps me unwrap it. He reminds me of my worth. He places His finger under my chin and lifts my head. It is because of this I am led to never stop striving to love as He loves me.
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
March 10, 2017

christianity, faith, God, hope, Jesus, life, love, peace
Unwrapped Present
Have you ever had an idea, a great idea, maybe even a brilliant idea that just sits there? You think about it and you may talk about it. It feels right. It feels straight from God. It lines up with scripture. You know you have the spiritual gifts and passion for it, but it sits there on your shelf in a neatly wrapped package, untouched. Well I have. I actually do right now. When I think about reaching out to unwrap and use it something stops me.

I used to daydream about it. Then I would get impatient and disappointed in myself for not doing something. I was almost convinced it was fear stopping me, but when I would reach out to grab it that something that stopped me felt right too. Makes sense, right? It was like I knew this was something I truly need to do, but also I knew it something I was not ready to do.

I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. I was reminded of God’s timing. God does not live through the restraints of time like we do. A day, a month, a year doesn’t mean much as far as eternity goes. He is patient, he properly prepares us, he knows the plan we need to follow. Trust Him and His timing…know there is a time for urgency and there is a time to wait. Waiting is not a bad thing.

Someone once told me something I really need to remember every day of my life. It was something like this: God first, then your family, then your ministry (or God’s work), then everything else. When you get these out of order you will see it in every aspect of your life. So, maybe the reason why I haven’t been able to unwrap my present is because I had these a little mixed up. And I didn’t fully realize it. You probably don’t fully realize it. You are doing the best you think you can, you are doing good things, and you are a good person. You are just doing things out of order.

Through the busyness of life, we get swept away and Satan loves it. It is his best attack against us faithful God-fearing ones. He knows we aren’t going to stop believing in God and trying to do His work, so he tries messing with the order in which we should follow. Next time you have that great idea and it seems to just sit there, try looking at the order in which you are following. Maybe all you need to do is move things around a bit and God will help unwrap your present when the time is right.
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
January 14, 2017

christianity, faith, life, trusting God
Soon You’ll be Forty Years Old…
Matthew,

I cannot believe your fortieth birthday is next week. When I think of when we first met and then think of our life now it amazes me. I think of all the years in between…everything we’ve been through…wow. We really are doing this. We really are continuously building a life together, for better or worse. I think we have seen both. It is inevitable there will be good times and bad. Life. That is life.

I remember our early days of flirting by tossing pumpkin guts (Is that what you call it?) at each other. Who would’ve thought after all these years that we’d be married with two kids? I’ll never forget the summer we spent at the beach. We pretty much lived moment to moment. I won’t share all our memories on here, but those are just a couple that I go back to when life gets crazy.

All I know is that there is no one else on earth who knows me and loves me like you do. Anytime you ask me to write a blog or remind me I haven’t in a while, I am reminded how much you care about me. You are a good person, Matt. Don’t you ever forget that.

Time seems to speed up the older we get, it really does. It will seem as only a few moments have passed before I am thinking, soon I’ll be forty years old. I don’t like to think about myself as being forty, but as long as you are by my side I will be just fine.

Before we know it, our kids will be grown and forty will seem young. I cannot wait to see you as a grandfather. Heck, maybe we will even have a granddaughter. How weird would that be to have a girl in our life?

Oh my and then before we know it, we will retire. I’m seeing us as snowbirds for sure. A nice condo on a beach somewhere? We’ll be walking along the beach and I will turn to you and say, “My dear, soon you’ll be seventy years old. Where did the time go?” You will lean down, kiss my forehead and say, “I don’t know, babe. Did I take me medicine this morning?”

XOXO
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
January 12, 2017

christianity, Family, life, love, marriage, parenting
From a Manger to a Cross
I apologize to anyone who read my post last year…or other similar ones, but things lay heavy on me and what else am I to do? I feel there is more depth this year than last and am wondering next year if it is possible to transcend further into whatever it is you’d call it that I feel post-Christmas.

Life starts shifting back to normal. My kids are exhausted. My house is a disaster. I’m exhausted as well. I’m a bit of an introvert. I absolutely love people, I love to be around people. I also need and crave calm and quiet at times. I need both. I need time to reflect and get lost in my own mind. When there are many things I need to get done, like before Christmas, it sucks my energy. I become a bit recluse trying to do what needs to be done. Plus, this year I was sick and couldn’t rest trying to get it all done. I feel like I need to buy a t-shirt that says, “Sorry, I really do like you, but I’m peopled out.”

I am looking at the heaps of gifts scattered throughout our house and tell myself I’ll organize it later. I feel grateful for my family and for my husband’s family. We both have pretty low drama and intact families, at least compared to the norm. My kids are shown love and it is almost too normal for them to have the best of everything. I do my best to show them how blessed they are for all these things. We give back and I allow the boys to to be a part of choosing where and how we do so.

Obviously, I want to have my good life. Who wouldn’t? I feel blessed and I thank God for all we have. But, I feel a pulling inside me that just keeps growing. When did it start? I think it has always been there my entire life. It is just that sometimes I feel it to the point it physically hurts. I see what I have and I see what others don’t have and it makes me sad. The older I get the more I see and feel it.

Lately, I don’t think it is enough to just recognize it. It isn’t enough to donate clothes and old toys. It isn’t enough to donate money, goats, and so on to the poor. It just doesn’t feel like I’m dong enough. No, I’m not going to give up all we have to go wander the streets with my family to make myself feel better. I truly don’t know what I feel like I should be doing. I’m in this praying, waiting, praying stage. I’m practicing what I preach to others. Give it to God and wait on His answer.

I sit here staring out my window and reflect on the life of Jesus. It began in manger, a feeding trough. It ended on a cross, Him literally nailed to it. Everything in between the two was not a life fit for a king. Yet He is the King of Kings. Through the world’s eyes, no one would ask for such a life. He was not rich or powerful. He lived a life full of sacrifice. I think about sin and how we easily can sin on a daily basis. There are sins we fight daily and it takes great sacrifice not to succumb to at times. Think of all the sacrifices He made to live a sinless life. We know He was tempted. Yet He chose a path we could never. We are too weak to live a life such as His.

We rely on grace and many times take it for granted. We chew on the bread and sip the wine. We know what a blessing and gift it is to partake in. Yet most times, at least to a certain extent, Monday morning comes around and we fall right back into worldly thinking. We may read the Word and try to teach our kids the best we can. We send our prayers. We serve in the church. But, we don’t love our neighbors as we should and we surely don’t spread the gospel as we should. We don’t step out of our comfort to live the life God is calling us to.

The crazy part is God loves us despite all of this!

We know this because He sent His son to live a life we could never live and to die a horrible death to save us from ourselves. We are saved because of our King who began His life in a manger and ended it on a cross. He lived that life and here I am living my easy peasy one…and it doesn’t quite seem right.
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
December 27, 2016

christianity, Christmas, church, faith, Family, God, Jesus, life, peace
My Shield and Thorn
I love to help people. It is something deeply rooted, so deeply rooted, I believe it takes up the largest part of my personality. I care for people to the point it hurts. It’s the thing I cannot change. It’s the thing I look for in others and cannot understand when they could care less about helping others. How can you not want to help?

I get frustrated when I see people who refuse to help when it is needed. Those are the times I bite my tongue, those are the times I pray for understanding. Most times, I see the reason why. Sometimes all I see is a hardened (selfish) heart. Then I pray to understand the pain that caused their heart to harden. I pray and even when the understanding doesn’t follow, I tend to let go. It does eat away at me when I cannot see the cause. But, it eats away at me more when I have harsh feelings toward a person.

Does the inability to stay frustrated–the wanting to always see the why behind the negative make me weak? Maybe it does. Maybe I am too kind and too sensitive. I may be one who gets walked over my entire life. The thing is, I accept this “weakness” God has given to me. I know it is better than holding hate in my heart. It’s better than always being disappointed in people.

It is a struggle to stand firm in my kindness, knowing it as both a strength and weakness. I will always pray for understanding within myself and within others as well. I will always hold some doubt and over-think this part of me. Satan will continue to use this against me. He’s mean like that.

It isn’t always easy and I fail at times to place my trust in God. Despite my stubborn ways, He never fails to bring me back to the truth. My kindness is my shield and my thorn. It is more a beautiful shield, though, in this sometimes ugly world.

What is your shield and thorn?
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
December 22, 2016

christianity, God, life, love, struggles
No record
True forgiveness starts from within. It starts from within oneself and works its way out. If we wait for what we think the other side should or shouldn’t do that is not forgiveness.

We are to forgive others as He forgives us.

Christ’s blood poured out of His body before we were even born. Yet it is still powerful enough to continuously cover us for the sins of yesterday, today, and the days to come. Despite what we do, His blood keeps no record.

We must forgive, despite what we feel the other person is or is not doing. Why? Because Christ did and still does the same for us. We have no way of knowing what God is doing in someone else’s heart. We have no idea the layers one is fighting to tear down. Remember, we cannot control anyone else’s heart, only our own.

Satan wants us to see what is lacking in the other. When we focus on such, Satan wins. The best we can do is to try to keep the plank out of our own eyes and love others. True forgiveness and true love always go hand in hand.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

No record.
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
October 20, 2016

christianity, forgiveness, Jesus, love
Caution: Road Block Ahead
My normal twenty-minute trip of taking Oliver to school took me about 45 minutes this morning. Even my alternative route was closed. So I had to go another way, then another, and another. I got home and made myself a cup of coffee before I took off again to go shopping…by myself. Any parent knows the joy it brings to shop alone. I cannot tell you the frustration I felt when I looked out my window and saw my road was blocked. Yep, I live on the corner of a court with no other way out. I felt trapped and completely ticked.

All I could think of was how the construction is messing with my life and plans.

I took a few deep breaths and then sat in my favorite chair. My 72 pound lap dog jumped up on my lap and nestled in. Ranger’s drowsy eyes looked up at me before his big wrinkly head landed on my hand. He loudly exhaled and then closed his eyes. Within a minute he was snoring.

Apparently my dog was quite pleased with the construction that led to my being trapped. I rubbed his head with my free hand and began to relax. I realized I probably needed my dog and favorite chair more than I needed shopping. I began to sip my coffee and my thoughts carried me away. I wish I could say they carried me away from construction, but it was not so.

It dawned on me how easily we become frustrated with road blocks. Sometimes it is all we think about. Sometimes it trickles down into every aspect of our lives.

I’m not speaking the literal sense of a road block. I’m sure you’ve already picked up on that, though. You may even be nodding you head and are thinking of a situation in your own life. You are ready to move on. You want to go where you think/know you want/need to go, but you just can’t get there for because of the stinking road block.

Presently, I do not have any major road blocks. At least none I am aware of. I can recall the ones I’ve had in the past. I remember the frustration. I remember the only if’s. Only if…then my life would be better. I could accomplish more. I could be a better mom, spouse, friend, or whatever. I could be more faithful. I could be more…

What we fail to see is the significance of the road block. God needs for us to stop so He can do the construction needed within us and around us. He is the one who knows the best path. We need to trust Him when He takes us on unexpected or inconvenient ways.

Amazing how with just a twist of perspective, the meaning of trapped and inconvenienced transforms into our ever-loving God fixing and beautifying us and our path called life.
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
October 14, 2016

christianity, faith, God, Jesus, life, struggles, trusting God
Drugs and a Well Traveled Baby Blanket
When I was around nine years old, I stayed a few weeks one summer at her house. We began sewing clothes for a little stuffed rabbit. I admired her wit and her creativity. She enjoyed writing at one time…just like me. My grandma and mom always referred to her as being so very intelligent and a few times they said I reminded them of her when she was younger. I remember feeling proud of being like her. Well, that was before drugs took her life.

One thing people don’t realize is that drugs take a person’s life long before they take their last breath. It is like a slow decay. Years later you don’t even recognize the person they once were. All you see are the lies, the anger, and the stress it has caused those you love.

It is crazy to see how drugs seeped into my life although I have never done drugs. Drugs seep into so many innocent lives. I’ve seen the trickle down effect it has on a family and it infuriates me. More, it saddens me.

Maybe to some it seemed inevitable because people with mental illness seem to have a higher incidence of drug use, but I was a kid. All I saw was the destruction and all I did was wonder what happened to my smart and funny aunt.

I rememeber the phone call. My cousin found her dead. My cousin who has had so many bad things happen to because of her. He was devastated. It was so unfair.

I cannot help but wonder where accountability falls into play. Then, that seems insensitive because mental illness is not a made up illness. Maybe the insensitivity behind mental illness is partly to blame. Which means I am partly to blame–most of us are partly to blame.

We don’t hesitate to feel for and want to help with those who have physical ailments. You have someone who is diagnosed with bipolar and it is different. We get mad at them when they once again have made a bad choice. It is hard not to be upset when someone else’s bad choices hurt those around them. I get it. Oh do I get it because I watchd it over and over again.

Up until this very moment I never realized how much drugs changed my life.

Somewhere in time, I almost forgot I had an aunt. I would see her on Christmas and a few other times throughout the year. I guess there were a few times I actually saw the real her. The time I remember the most was at my baby shower. I was surprised she came and even more surprised she brought a present. As I began opening it, I saw a glimpse of familiar color. I soon realized it was my baby blanket. She knew my mom would lose it (which is so true)…so she saved it all those years for me for my baby shower.

I cannot help but think of the countless times she moved. Every time she carried along with her my baby blanket and I had no idea. I wonder if my blanket brought her any comfort. Was it some reminder of who she once was?

Mental illness and drugs are indeed a horrible combination. The insensitivity and ignorance toward them are as well though. I know it is hard to think of the person they once were. It is hard to think somewhere under all the gunk the person still remains. Maybe we are playing God when we feel the person is beyond hope; when we forget the person is still in there struggling beyond what we can ever imagine.

Oh, how Satan want us to forget that person…

And I did. I forgot she still existed. I forgot how even the glimpse of her who still remained deserved grace, forgiveness, and love. Just like we all deserve those things. I pray the last moments of her life she called out to God. Oh I pray…
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
September 29, 2016

christianity, drugs, Family, forgiveness, God, life
Season of Change
The once green leaves darkened and dried.

I never thought to just let them go.

I prayed for strength to keep and bear them.

Still, the crisp air came and began to rip them away.

Some twirled, some plummeted, some fast, some slow.

But all landed on the ground around me.

I didn’t believe they would wander far.

Give me the strength Lord, please.

They may still come back to me.

Slowly the wind picked them up.

One by one they flew further and further.

I tried reaching down to grab them.

God simply told me no.

I realized a season of change had come.

New leaves would surely emerge.

But only after the release of all the old.
Share this:
Tweet
Like Loading…
September 27, 2016

christianity, faith, life, poetry, trusting God