Through the Stillness

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  • January 8, 2016-Pressing Thoughts

    I’m not saying I have outgrown the need for group bible studies.  I never will.  I pull a lot of strength from the studies and the people in them.  It is just that there is a part of me that is yearning for more than what a group bible study can provide.  I can’t even say I need to be in the word more because I spend time daily by myself studying the word as well.  I’ve been like this for a while now.  I cannot get enough.  I want more.  I need more. I want to go deeper.  I need to go deeper…

    I just don’t know where to start.

     

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    January 8, 2016

  • The Things People Carry

    My mom’s horrible driving was an inside joke between me and my brothers. Her foot was always pressing on the brakes.  To say she was a nervous driver would be an understatement.  My mom was paranoid behind the wheel.  I learned to not even lean forward because at some point she would slam on the brakes (for no good reason) and I would be flung back against the back of the seat.

    One day, as a moody and snooty teenager, I decided to make a snarky remark to my mom about her driving.  I expected her to say something to me or at least give me her ‘you better shut up’ glare.  She didn’t.  She didn’t react at all. So I decided it was okay to make fun of her driving more often. One night, my dad overheard me teasing my mom and he told me to stop.  He brought me to a different room and told me not to tease her about her driving anymore.

    “Why not?  It doesn’t seem to bother her,”  I said.

    “When your mom was a teen she hit a man walking along the street and he died.  The man was drunk and was staggering all over the place.  The cops stopped him.  They let him go and told him to hurry up and get home.  It was dark and there were no street lights and he walked in front of your mom’s car.  She didn’t even see him until it was too late.  That is why your mom drives like she does.”

    I learned a very important lesson that night.  People do things the way they do for a reason.  We all have our own history that shapes us. Although my mom could not have prevented what happened, she will carry that with her all her days.

    I try to remind myself of this when I get frustrated with others. We all have things of this life we carry with us…things that have changed us to the core.

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    January 5, 2016

  • A Strong Woman

    She knows when to allow others to be in the spotlight.

    She desires love, not attention.

    She listens.

    She thinks.

    She knows her ways are not the ways of others and that is okay.

    She has nothing to prove, not even to herself.

    She encourages.

    She finds her own path.

    She feels no need to compete.

    She speaks truth through her words and her actions.

    She is humble.

    She lives for others.

    She knows how to say sorry.

    She knows life is not a race to the finish, there is no need to say or do it first.

    She knows the adventure is in the simple everyday life.

    She doesn’t need to fill the empty space of time.

    She laughs at herself more than others.

    She is gentle.

    She knows love is more than a feeling, it is an action.

    She loves God above all else.

     

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    December 29, 2015
    christianity, life, love, strong woman

  • Beyond the Bubble

    DSC_0591

    It is the day after Christmas and I see toys and gifts galore in every room of our house.  We live in a bubble, my boys live in a bubble.  Never have they been placed in a situation where they’ve had to worry about anything.  They have everything they want and more than what they need.  I remember last year asking Luke what he wanted for Christmas and his response was, “Nothing.”  This year his list was small, mostly Minecraft figurines.  Oliver’s list was small as well and one of the things on his list was a balloon for his brother.  At a young age, they are aware they have plenty.

    I never want them to forget all the Lord has given us.  I want to instill in them a thankful attitude, not one of entitlement.  They both have their moments, like yesterday when they were demanding more presents.  I do remember feeling the same as a kid.  I never wanted Christmas to end.  I still talked to them both (especially my oldest) on their demanding behavior.  It isn’t easy for kids to see their blessings, but it is something I really strive to show them.

    One gift we got Luke and Oliver was through Lutheran World Relief.  We donated a goat in their honor.  This is a tradition I intend to do every year…maybe for their birthdays as well.  I talk to them a lot about our blessings.  I tell them how other people live.  I show them pictures of kids and different cultures in other countries.  When they are old enough, I will take them on mission trips.  There is an eyeglass one that as soon as Luke is old enough…we are going.  It will be very powerful to take my son, who has an eye disorder, on such a trip.

    Luke, my six year old, already in many ways has a natural gift of generosity.  He isn’t attached to material things (except maybe his tablet). One cute story I’ll share is when our church was building a play set, Luke grabbed his piggy bank and started counting all his money.  He wanted to give it all to the church because he said all the kids really need a place to play. My little guy, Oliver, is generous in other ways.  I suspect he will be one who gives people his time and attention.  He is only three, so we will see more as he gets older how his gifts develop.

    I pray my boys will always know the importance of giving and sharing our blessings.  One of the  most important things I can pass on to them is the knowledge that our world is so much larger than the little bubble we live in.

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    December 26, 2015
    christianity, giving, thankfulness

  • Reflections and the Gift of Christ

    It was a Saturday and the kids at church were practicing their parts for the Christmas program.  I watched as they became more comfortable.  I watched my own son speak his words and I felt the Spirit working in my church.  The following day was the program and it was beautiful. I wasn’t much in the Christmas spirit but those kids gave it to me.  The joy I felt…the joy I feel anytime I am helping with the kids is indescribable.

    In a sense, I usually feel more myself around kids than I do most adults.  Even through the chaos, I love it.  Now being a stay at home mom, I was able to teach during Vacation Bible School this year (by far, it was the best week of my year).  Actually, when I look back through my year, my best memories involve kids…and church.  2015 has been a great year full of blessings.  I didn’t think it was going to be.

    A year ago today my grandma passed away.  I thank God for carrying me through it.  I thank Him for urging me to go to His word for strength.  I picked up my bible and ended up (without intending to) reading all of it in about seven months. Now, it is a daily habit I intend to keep.

    Today will not be an easy day for me and my family as some will mourn all over for my grandma.  Three days before Christmas is not an ideal time to lose a loved one.  But then, she will forever be the most godly woman I have ever known.  So I guess every year, three days before Christmas, I will always be reminded of her and her love for Christ.

    As I do all the last minute things to get ready for Christmas and feel the urge to get stressed, I will think of the Christmas program…I will think of my grandma…I will think of the greatest gift of all–Christ.

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    December 22, 2015
    Christ, christianity, Christmas, faith

  • The Stance

    Someone once told me…or maybe I read it somewhere…if you are feeling nervous or are in need of a confidence boost all you need to do is the ‘superhero’ stance.  Simply stand up straight, place your hands on your hips, and look up.  Now you can face anything.

    I’ve never tried it, but the idea is intriguing.  I can think of one situation I have been placed in recently where I could have used a little boost of confidence.  Maybe I should have stood up from my chair and tried it.

    This is something I have been praying about. Sometimes, in certain situations, I struggle with knowing what to say or do and it leads me to do nothing…that isn’t always good.  Maybe I need to do the ‘superhero’ stance.  As I look up I will be looking to the Lord for strength.  It will be my ‘Lord give me strength’ stance.

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    November 25, 2015
    christianity, faith, God, life, looking to God for strength, strength, superhero stance

  • All in a Facebook Post

    Nativity-Wallpaper-10

    I allow most things to roll off my shoulders…I can turn the other cheek and go on in with my life.  But this time I cannot.  I want to voice how I feel.

    The nativity scene is sacred to me.  It is a reminder of the hope I have in this sometimes ugly world. I have never felt anything but peace when I look at it, until last night.

    Picture this: the nativity scene with these words printed on it, “Don’t forget to hate refugees as you set up your nativity scene.  Celebrating a middle eastern couple desperately looking for shelter.”  Oh people thought this Facebook post was hilarious.  Me, not so much.

    Hate.  Christians hate the refugees?  I do not know one single person (christian or non christian) who hates the refugees.  The ones who do not want them in our country are feeling fear.  Fear and hate are two very different things.  The fear and wanting to protect their loved ones is not a product of their religion…but of all the scary things happening in this world.  Sometimes fear clouds the larger picture.

    When I first heard about the refugees coming here I felt immense fear. I didn’t want them here. It wasn’t until someone posted something on Facebook, something honest and tactful, that I saw the larger picture.  I am a very sympathetic and sensitive person, but I too had a hard time seeing we should open our country to the them.  It had nothing to do with hate.

    I love my family and the thought of a terrorist sneaking into our country scared the you know what out of me.  That was all I could see at first.  I wanted to protect my home above all else.  I now see we need to help others regardless of the fear we feel.  It is all because someone pointed it out in a kind way. I am not Jesus and sometimes need to be reminded of what Jesus would do in a particular situation.  I will always strive to be more like Him…and yet I will never fully get there.  None of us will.

    With all that is happening in the world, can’t people take the high road and show some respect for sacred things?  Why is it okay to try to further separate people?  That is all that post accomplishes.  If you feel people are misinformed, there is a better way.  We can voice our opinions, our hopes, our fears, and our beliefs respectfully.  I would never ‘spit’ on something someone holds sacred.  No one should.

    It just makes me sad.

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    November 23, 2015
    christianity, faith, life, love, peace, refugees

  • Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop.

    Shouldn’t I be able to say I am a Christian and want to be as obedient as possible?

    Isn’t it because I know better and would never want to abuse His grace?

    So when all I want to do and be is no longer the same as what the world wants…that shouldn’t be frowned upon…it shouldn’t be analyzed by other Christians.

    At the end of the day I do not ever want to stop trying.

    Now, I know my works will not save me.

    There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation.

    It isn’t like I want to or need to…I am lead to.

    And that makes all the difference.

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    November 19, 2015

  • Never too Deep

    IMG_0659

    My youngest, Oliver, has moments where he gets nervous in a pool.  His arms wrap tightly around me and he quite literally climbs up on me if I try to loosen my hold on him.  I remember one time this summer when he did this.  I looked him in the eyes and said, “Oliver, it is okay.  I promise I will not let you drown and I will be right here holding you.  Just trust me.  The water is shallow…try to stand.”  He held on tighter and whimpered until finally he slowly slid down into the water and touched the bottom.  His eyes lit up and he said, “Mommy!  I can stand.”

    Many times I feel the same way as Oliver when I believe God leading me to do something.  It isn’t easy when He wants to take you out of your comfort zone.  My fear always deceits me and tells me the waters are too deep and I will drown.  But I know the fear is not from God.  I know when He is leading me the waters will never be too deep.  He will never let me drown.

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    November 16, 2015
    christianity, faith, God, life, trusting God

  • A Boy and his Christmas

    I had to look away. I fought the tears as much as I could, took a deep breath, and continued to eat my dinner.  I looked across the table again.  Oliver’s sweet face and his deep laughter…the thought of his perfect, untainted life made me turn my head once again.  Every time I looked at him all I could see was another little blond haired boy who lives in our area.  A boy who was recently put on hospice.

    I have never laid eyes on this family.  Still, I am a wreck every time I think of him and what this family is going through. There’s a Facebook page for the community. Yesterday they posted a picture of him making Christmas cookies.  It was their Christmas Eve.  This morning a video was posted of him waking up asking to open his presents-because it is their Christmas.  What else can I say?  I can’t stop crying over it.

    I know my mind will be on this boy and his family as I prepare for our Christmas season.  All we take for granted in life and all we complain about will tighten a knot in my stomach.  The thought of this little boy dying breaks my heart.  But then thought of the strong faith that this family has held onto strengthens my own faith.  I don’t know them…but what I have seen and heard makes me know they are a beautiful family.  A beautiful family in need of prayers.

    Pray for them.

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    November 14, 2015
    cancer, christianity, Christmas, faith, Family, parenting, praying

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