Soon You’ll be Forty Years Old…

DSC_0157Matthew,

I cannot believe your fortieth birthday is next week.  When I think of when we first met and then think of our life now it amazes me. I think of all the years in between…everything we’ve been through…wow.  We really are doing this. We really are continuously building a life together, for better or worse. I think we have seen both.  It is inevitable there will be good times and bad.  Life. That is life.

I remember our early days of flirting by tossing pumpkin guts (Is that what you call it?) at each other. Who would’ve thought after all these years that we’d be married with two kids? I’ll never forget the summer we spent at the beach.  We pretty much lived moment to moment.  I won’t share all our memories on here, but those are just a couple that I go back to when life gets crazy.

All I know is that there is no one else on earth who knows me and loves me like you do. Anytime you ask me to write a blog or remind me I haven’t in a while, I am reminded how much you care about me. You are a good person, Matt.  Don’t you ever forget that.

Time seems to speed up the older we get, it really does. It will seem as only a few moments have passed before I am thinking, soon I’ll be forty years old. I don’t like to think about myself as being forty, but as long as you are by my side I will be just fine.

Before we know it, our kids will be grown and forty will seem young.  I cannot wait to see you as a grandfather. Heck, maybe we will even have a granddaughter. How weird would that be to have a girl in our life?

Oh my and then before we know it, we will retire. I’m seeing us as snowbirds for sure.  A nice condo on a beach somewhere? We’ll be walking along the beach and I will turn to you and say, “My dear, soon you’ll be seventy years old.  Where did the time go?” You will lean down, kiss my forehead and say, “I don’t know, babe. Did I take me medicine this morning?”

XOXO

Another Anniversary Blog

(Almost every year, I write a blog on our anniversary. Why? Because he loves my writing more than anyone else on earth.  I love him more than anyone else on earth.  Plus, I think it is important to celebrate each and every year as if it were the first.)  

I never had a list of qualities that I wanted in my future husband. I simply wanted someone who loved me the way my dad loves my mom. My parents have always been a great example of what to work toward in a marriage. They love each other in the way you should love your spouse. It shows in all they do. It shows in the way they tease each other. It shows in the way the are always on each other’s side.

In my teens, my mom once said to me, “I don’t know if you will ever be happy with a boy enough to marry him. You’re too picky.” I guess I was at that age. My response to her was, “When I have parents who are so happy together it is hard to settle for less.” She laughed and told me their kind of marriage doesn’t happen overnight. She then told me of one of their biggest fights.  “In that moment, I felt like I hated your dad.” Those words still strike me to the core.  I needed to hear it, though.

I needed to know marriage was not what I saw in my favorite movies. Marriage is real life. Marriage is work.  Marriage requires love and love is more than an emotion. As my mom said, marriage can stink at times–especially if you have young kids…

It is so true. You (sometimes) get tired, irritated, and not so nice. Your kids (sometimes) take a piece of you and your marriage because you just don’t have the time to connect. But there are other times while in the midst of the craziness you stop, look at your child, and smile because he is so much like your husband. Those qualities your child has are the same qualities that drew you to your husband. You then see your husband shaking his head and laughing at your other (loud) child who is just like you. Those are the moments you are reminded of how much you need each other. Those are the moments you thank God for your real life love.

There is no one on earth I’d rather grow old with. There is no one else I’d rather vent to when our kids are acting crazy. There is no one else I’d rather wake up next to. There is no one else I’d rather lean on when life gets the best of me. You’re it, you’re the guy for me. Thank you, Matt, for loving me through the best days and the worst. I look forward to saying, “I do” the rest of our days. XOXO

 

 

It Really is Real

I have concluded today is going to be one of those days for me.  I am in the mood to write. So, here is my third blog of the day…

There are moments throughout the day, in the midst of all the busyness, where I get caught up in the moment.  Most of these moments accompany thoughts of parenthood. My kids are out of diapers and one is in 1st grade and I still stop and think, “I’m really a parent, aren’t I?”  I feel as though this entire day has been one of those moments.  Time feels slower and my mind is at ease.

I glance at my present situation. Matt and the boys are laying around watching a movie. I obviously am typing out my thoughts––thoughts of this wonderful little life of mine. I think of all the little steps Matt and I took to get here.  Some steps hurt and some felt like we were gliding. Nonetheless, we are here.  We are right where we should be.  We are right where I want to be.

I always wanted to be a mom.  I always wanted the exact life I am living right now. It seems so surreal. Like this is really happening, isn’t it?  I’m not a teen daydreaming in my bedroom.  I’m an adult. Matt is the type of husband I envisioned marrying.  Luke and Oliver are amazing.  I live in the type of house I imagined with the type of yard (one with beautiful trees) I imagined.  I don’t think I would want to change one thing about my life. Except maybe the eleven gray hairs I counted on my head this morning. But truly, my gray hairs are all a part of this beautiful journey. To go back to a time without them would be tragic. Because all I would be doing is dreaming of this life I have right now. This life that I cannot believe is real, it really is real.

I thank God everyday for my blessings. I know how quickly life can change and I know my life won’t always feel this great. So I stress to my kids every single day that we are so very blessed. I want my kids to realize this life they live is everything I (their mom) ever wanted. Even on the not so fun days I cannot imagine any other life. I never dreamed of fame.  I dreamed of this.  I dreamed of them.  I am living my dreams.

 

 

 

Love Evolved Into Love

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It was a chilly day in November and we had plans to go to Greenfield Village to eat at the Eagle Tavern, one of our favorite places. Matt wanted to take a walk before we went to the restaurant.  It wasn’t exactly a great day to do so, but I agreed.  We walked to the little chapel but the door was locked and we kept going.  We walked toward the water and Matt sat me down on a bench.  He proposed.  I said yes.

That morning I had no clue how significant the day would be. I laugh at how Matt must of been scrambling to find another spot when he tried to pull the chapel doors open and they were locked. He didn’t show any sign of his failed plan, he just continued on keeping his cool. I think he knew our love was strong enough that no matter where we were, I would have been happy.

I do love it was there…and I love he knew I would love it. I have always liked everything about Greenfield Village, a place with historical buildings, houses, and such set up…a place you are taken back to simpler times.  To me, there is nothing more enchanting.

I was very much in love with him that day. I knew he was the one. I knew, I never knew real love until he came into my life. The days leading up to our wedding brought us closer and by the day we were married, I loved him more. Years have gone by and with the years we have seen joy and sorrow. The joys of becoming parents––watching first smiles, first steps, and many other firsts. The stresses of parenthood as well––sleepless nights, the many sacrifices, the pain of learning our child has an eye disorder.  There are friendships we have made and the ones we have maintained throughout the years, and other relationships that have strengthened us. We have lost loved ones, we have seen loved ones go through hard times, we have seen loved ones fall ill.  We have grown, we have hurt, we have laughed, cried, and yelled.  All of these things have brought us closer, a closeness I never imagined possible.  I love him more today than yesterday, and I will love him even more ten years from now.

Our love has evolved into love, there is no other way to describe it.

My life does not feel ordinary…


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There are moments when I feel too ordinary, but it never lasts long because I have reminders all around me. I had a moment this weekend, but my husband quickly pulled me out.  He told me I was an extraordinary mother. I believe I am.  I sacrifice a lot for my children and am happy to do so.  He also told me I am a writer.  I have a hard time with this title.  I usually call myself a person who loves to write…but I write enough that I should feel confident to say I am a writer.  So yes, I am a writer.

Despite my moments of doubt, which are usually few and far between, I feel as though I have more purpose now than ever before in my life.  I am a stay at home mom and I feel I have more purpose now than when I worked as a nurse.  It is funny to me. When I was younger, I would have never imagined being a stay at home mom.

I am truly blessed not to have to juggle work and home life.  I do not not worry about someone else raising my kids.  I think it shows.  My kids are confident, secure little guys.  I am not in any way knocking people who have to work…and there are children in daycare who are just as confident and secure as my kids are.  But to me, the peace of mind I have in giving them the head start I want them to have is beautiful.

Like I said, I am blessed to be able to do so.

Our family life is very traditional…my husband works, I take care of the kids and keep the house up.  It works for us.  There are no blurred lines, things run smoothly because of it.  My husband and I are equal, we just have different responsibilities. I am not ashamed to say––I strive to be a Proverbs 31 type of lady.  At the end of my life, I will have less regret if I follow this path…

Proverbs 31:10-31

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Maybe my life is what many would call ordinary.  But to me it is anything but ordinary.