Category: Jesus

The Road to Forgiveness
I cannot help but to fully believe it was part of the journey God needed me to be on. I don’t know if I could have grown any other way. The grudge was my desert. Only He knew how long I needed to thirst and struggle and endure the weariness of the desert life. Little did I know during those years He was molding me into a shade tree. God gave me the gift of mercy and it was cultivated by learning what it felt like to yearn for the very shade I would become.

I was entangled by the consequences of the grudge. It consumed me, my peace, and halted my faith in many ways. I didn’t know if I could ever get back to the child-like faith I once had.

My biggest obstacle was I felt as though my anger was justified, although it wasn’t me personally that was hurt. How could someone pretend? How could someone not feel guilty for hurting another? How can someone put up with another’s poor choices? How weak could one be?

Maturity guided me. Life opened my eyes. Pain released my misconceptions. Forgiveness came in layers. I knew it would not be easy. But, I also knew the path of releasing myself from the grudge would strengthen me.

This is what I found on my journey:
- In order to truly feel God’s forgiveness you must forgive others.
- Do not expect others to live up to the expectations you have for them. You never know what desert God is leading them into. You never know what failures will strengthen them.
- We are all hypocrites. That is why we need God.
- No one is perfect. We are all weak. Again, that is why we need God.
- Be patient. God is there, always!
- You may forgive someone to find they screw it all up once again. You must forgive them again and again.
- You have to work at forgiving others. It doesn’t always come naturally, but it does get easier.
- You hurt people too. Someone may be struggling to forgive you.
- And lastly, always remember the cross and you will see the light.
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February 25, 2022

christianity, cross, faith, forgiveness, God, Jesus, life, peace, trusting God
Be Paul
Thinking of my own zeal, a zeal that I sometimes could turn down a notch, I can see Paul and his mission better. Inspiration whirls through my soul and my hope is that it can whirl through yours as well…

“For it is by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV) Those words reawakened my faith as an adult. It was an ‘aha’ moment where all my questions and all the things that didn’t quite make sense took flight––never to be seen again. That was the moment I was brought back to the true Gospel.

When I think of Paul coming from the background of being a Pharisee, it makes sense. Although, Ephesians 2:8-9 are not the main verses weighing on me, they tie together my point and show how strongly I can relate to Paul. I feel the power in his words and can imagine how he felt as he wrote them. I see him writing those words and then pausing for a moment to bask in the peace those words bring.

Galatians 1 was the focus for bible study last week. I opened my bible and instead of listening as I should have been, I saw the underlined words I felt were important to remember at some point in my life. Those words carried me into my own mind.

“Paul, an apostle—sent not from men nor by a man, but by Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised him from the dead.” (Galatians 1:1) I don’t remember why or when I wanted to remember that verse, but it somehow brings more depth not knowing. Sent not by man are good words to remember and they bring me a strength I cannot hold on my own.

“I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel—which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ.” (Galatians 1:6-7) I had this part highlighted. It is clear that we live in a world where the gospel is confused, twisted, and denied in different ways. I realize we are sinners and never will be perfect. The things is, the gospel is the core of christianity. There are too many that simply get it wrong. They forget about grace to the point they are diminishing the power of the cross. They are instead (and maybe not intentionally) trying to carry the power in their own pockets.

“…my immediate response was not to consult any human being.” (Galatians 1:16) My uneven blue inked line told me I had quickly wanted to remember those words. Maybe it was because I was engrossed in the words that followed, but knew I wanted to remember those as well. We need to hear this every day of our lives. When we feel the Holy Spirit is leading us to do something, how many times do we immediately do it? How many times do we seek validation from man instead of God?

Galatians 1 is packed full of insight, obviously. More than that, it shows our present world and our present struggle as Christians. Christians are being divided and christianity is under a a microscope. I think if we are honest, we can see that in some ways it should be. Many have strayed. Many are bound by the chains of losing sight of the truth. Be a Paul in someone’s life and point them back to the true meaning of the Gospel. Bring them back to freedom.
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October 12, 2017
Easy like Sunday Morning
I’m easy like Sunday morning…

That song popped up in my head this morning. I guess it goes to show how much sarcasm is simply wired in my brain. Oh boy, at least I make myself laugh. ‘Cause let me tell you, this lovely Sunday morning started out as anything but easy.

My youngest had a hard time staying in his Sunday school class. We eventually bribed him. Mom of the year award, right? He eventually walked in the classroom and plopped on the floor with his arms crossed. Just as sarcasm flows through my veins, stubbornness flows through Oliver’s. At least he isn’t crying, I thought and off I went to meet Matt to head to our bible class. After I checked on him a couple more times, that is.

After dealing with that, we weren’t eager to get to class. We went, of course. It took a few minutes and a few deep breaths to be able to focus. The subject was on slowing down, something I actually just blogged on recently. Gotta love the way God reinforces things for us. There is something about slowing down that sometimes leads us to feel guilty. We shouldn’t, but it’s as though we feel we can’t say no. We feel like we are being lazy if our calendars aren’t filled to the brim. Anyway, the leader even had all of us stop and sit silently for a full minute. Powerful to think of a room full of adults in complete silence.

After class and before worship started, Matt whispered how he was glad we went to class this morning. I nodded and added how funny it is that Satan works hard on those Sunday mornings when you really need to hear something. Satan sure is a jerk!

Like I have said before. Don’t just turn to God. Turn away to God. Turn away from the busyness, the distractions, and all the other noise of this world. When we don’t stop and sit at the feet of Jesus––when we don’t stop and study His word––just think of what we are really missing. His still small voice is what we are missing and that is what we need more than anything in this crazy world.
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September 24, 2017

christianity, church, faith, God, Jesus, life, peace, rest, slowing down
Freedom
Scattered heavy raindrops began to fall from the sky as I played in a nearby tennis court with my friends during our brothers baseball game. Slowly, the sporadic rain turned into a steady rainfall. My friends and I lifted our arms high and tilted our heads back as we allowed the rain to land in our open mouths. I remember the laughter that flowed from us and the glances that bonded us in that moment. Time slowed and we were nothing else but free.

Sitting here thinking of that moment, I can almost feel the same freedom I felt that day. I believe if it were to start raining right now I would want to run outside and try to relive it. I wouldn’t actually do it though. Well, unless my kids were with me. I would feel like an idiot standing in the rain by myself.

We all yearn for freedom. Look at the world around you. People are always seeking and fighting for it. Or, they’re in pain because they can’t find it or simply don’t have the strength to fight for it. What I see are people clinging to the the wrong kind of freedom or things that are not freedom at all. They just think or hope it is. Because those freedoms are always in exchange for something else. I wonder if deep down they feel a void knowing it isn’t what they really need to be seeking. Those freedoms are only temporary, they are shallow puddles that will soon dry.

Like me standing in the rain. That free feeling ceased. My friends and I became bored and cold. I remember having no towel in the car and I couldn’t wait to get home to change into dry clothes. Dry socks never felt so good. The rain was a fleeting childhood freedom. Some of my best memories surround such freedoms. Childhood freedoms, although innocent and pure, will never give us what we need.

There is only one real freedom in this life and that is freedom in Christ. Many of us “adult” christians know this already. Yet, we hesitate like I do when the thought of playing in the rain crosses my mind. Why can’t we fully embrace this freedom? We’re all sinners, duh. I wonder though…what would happen if we started running and clinging to Him like a child, regardless of what sin was standing in the way? Childlike faith, I believe it’s called (wink wink).

Would we better sway people away from the false freedoms they are rooted in if they saw us clinging more to the truth our hearts hold so dear? I think about my kids and the type of faith I want them to carry throughout their lives. I picture them standing in the rain with their arms up high and heads tilted back because they know freedom, real freedom, never will cease.
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September 22, 2017

christianity, drugs, faith, Family, freedom, God, hope, Jesus, life, peace
What exactly is the good?
As I sat waiting for Luke’s game to begin, I played with blades of grass at my feet. My mind was as calm as a glassy lake; there was not a wave nor a ripple in sight. But then my phone rang. It was my dad. He never calls me on the weekend, I thought as I answered my phone.

In one second my frame of mind shifted. The pain of this world, oh the pain. I wasn’t surprised by the news, yet each word stung. Sometimes it is the unsurprising news that hurts the most. I always hope people will respond or do differently than what I see coming. I much rather the stories of people overcoming life. The bad in life, that is. I love when people prevail.

It is a strength and a weakness that I strive to find the good in all things. The problem arises when the pain of this world is deeper than the seemingly good it can bring. I hate to see people give up on life. They throw in the towel and don’t look back, and they don’t look forward either. They remain stuck unable to move. Maybe that is why I need Romans 8:28, we all need Romans 8:28.

Wait.

What exactly does that even mean? I just talked about pain and giving up on life. Now I am encouraging a bible verse that talks about “in all things God works for the good”? Yes, I just said that and that.

Yesterday, after I wrote my blog post about this verse, I walked into my kitchen and there on my table were mason jars full of carnations. They’ve been sitting there for almost a week, but I saw them as if they just magically appeared. I focused in on the pink ones. Romans 8:28 reminds me of my grandparents, it reminds me of my grandma’s death. Since the verse keeps popping up I have been thinking of her. Pink carnations were her favorite. They’ve been here in my house and yet it slipped my mind until that moment. As if that were not enough, I went to sit on my couch. My phone was in my hand because I was getting ready to clean and was going to put music on. (Who likes to clean without music?) I sat, thought about my grandma, pulled myself together, and then put Pandora on. I began to stand up when the song Homesick came on. It was the song they played at her funeral.

The tears flowed, I pictured my grandma’s face, and then peace came. My grandma was touched by the pain of this world, just like us all. Her pain is no more, though. She’s home. It got me thinking. That’s it, I’m homesick. We are all homesick. That is why it hurts so bad. We yearn for a world without sin.

We are touched by our bad choices, other people’s bad choices, unexpected news, disease, death, and etc. We must remember our hope and truth lie in the fact that sin or anything that happens as a result cannot ruin God’s plan. His mind is set on our eternal salvation. His mind is set on bringing us home. That is why He sent His son Jesus to die for our sins. Stop and brew on that for a minute. That is powerful stuff. Nothing can stop His plan and nothing can stop His purpose of eternity.

The challenge lies not in my knowing this. It lies in my sharing this. It lies in you sharing this. How can we show people the good in God’s purpose? How can we show them that the light shines in the darkness and the darkness will not prevail?
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April 28, 2017

christianity, death, faith, Family, God, hope, Jesus, life, peace, struggles
This Thing Called Grace
I think of the crushing weight that pressed on His beautiful soul. The beauty He held, I can never fully grasp. I try to comprehend. I close my eyes and picture the cross. I picture the events leading up. I skim over the hard parts. My body clenches at the very thought of trying to endure even one lashing. The driven nails are pulled out by my selfish need to fend off pain before it ever really begins.

The purpose of His dying was so I could be free from the yoke. Yet, there are times I forfeit the lightness that was so freely given to me. Why do I trample on my clean soul? Why do I worry, I fear, and I forget? I hold a beautiful opened gift and I sometimes wrap it back up and tuck it away for a rainy day. Maybe not always, maybe not as much as I used to, maybe not as much as others…but enough to feel the chains that bind.

Now, here’s the thing that gets me every time. I do not need to shed any blood or endure any of what He did. I do not need to earn His love or His approval. All I need is faith. He sees me as me. Not as the world portrays me to be…not what I portray me to be either. He…loves…me.

Whenever I tuck this thing called grace away, he gently helps me unwrap it. He reminds me of my worth. He places His finger under my chin and lifts my head. It is because of this I am led to never stop striving to love as He loves me.
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March 10, 2017

christianity, faith, God, hope, Jesus, life, love, peace
Baa Baa Booyah
I want to start out by saying I am no sheep expert. Not even close. The most I know about sheep is what I have read in the bible, been taught in Sunday School as a child, or have heard in sermons. They have no sense of direction. They don’t like being alone. If they fall and get in a certain position they can’t get out of it. We’ve heard the stories of sheep wandering, not being able to find water, or whatever else. We are told they are not the most intelligent animals. Then, we are compared to these animals right after we are told how dumb they are.

Hmmm, I don’t think God sees us as dumb or wants us to look at ourselves as such.

I mean I get it. We are sinners. We screw up. We can do dumb things. We are human. There is a certain sense of humility admitting these things. So, naturally we say we are dumb like sheep. Maybe we are wrong to say this. Maybe calling sheep dumb stems from worldly thinking. What the world sees as wise and strong is not the same as what the bible tells us is such. Maybe sheep aren’t so dumb after all.

Think about this:
1. Sheep know and follow their shepherds voice. They know it is better to follow their shepherd than to be in control of their own life. Don’t we all struggle with submitting to His will?
2. Sheep know it is better to stay with their flock. Yes, sometimes they get lost (don’t we all.) The point being is wandering away from the church, the body of believers, usually doesn’t turn out so well. This isn’t saying we shouldn’t be around people who don’t have faith. We need to love all people.
3. Sheep have four stomachs. Totally unrelated but crazy, huh?
4. Sheep know their weaknesses. Come on, if we all admitted our weaknesses and allowed God and others to lead us in places where we falter…whoa…we could accomplish so much more.
See where I am going with this? It takes a wise person to know following our Shepherd is the best way to live. Without a doubt, the wisest people I have known in my life were the ones who followed Him faithfully. Times when they got lost, they allowed our Shepherd to carry them on His shoulder to go back to the flock. Ultimately they knew how dumb they were being when they lost their sheeplike (humble) attitude. I don’t know about you, but I see sheep a little differently now. What a blessing it is to be a sheep. Baa baa booyah!
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January 25, 2017
No record
True forgiveness starts from within. It starts from within oneself and works its way out. If we wait for what we think the other side should or shouldn’t do that is not forgiveness.

We are to forgive others as He forgives us.

Christ’s blood poured out of His body before we were even born. Yet it is still powerful enough to continuously cover us for the sins of yesterday, today, and the days to come. Despite what we do, His blood keeps no record.

We must forgive, despite what we feel the other person is or is not doing. Why? Because Christ did and still does the same for us. We have no way of knowing what God is doing in someone else’s heart. We have no idea the layers one is fighting to tear down. Remember, we cannot control anyone else’s heart, only our own.

Satan wants us to see what is lacking in the other. When we focus on such, Satan wins. The best we can do is to try to keep the plank out of our own eyes and love others. True forgiveness and true love always go hand in hand.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

No record.
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October 20, 2016

christianity, forgiveness, Jesus, love
Drugs and a Well Traveled Baby Blanket
When I was around nine years old, I stayed a few weeks one summer at her house. We began sewing clothes for a little stuffed rabbit. I admired her wit and her creativity. She enjoyed writing at one time…just like me. My grandma and mom always referred to her as being so very intelligent and a few times they said I reminded them of her when she was younger. I remember feeling proud of being like her. Well, that was before drugs took her life.

One thing people don’t realize is that drugs take a person’s life long before they take their last breath. It is like a slow decay. Years later you don’t even recognize the person they once were. All you see are the lies, the anger, and the stress it has caused those you love.

It is crazy to see how drugs seeped into my life although I have never done drugs. Drugs seep into so many innocent lives. I’ve seen the trickle down effect it has on a family and it infuriates me. More, it saddens me.

Maybe to some it seemed inevitable because people with mental illness seem to have a higher incidence of drug use, but I was a kid. All I saw was the destruction and all I did was wonder what happened to my smart and funny aunt.

I rememeber the phone call. My cousin found her dead. My cousin who has had so many bad things happen to because of her. He was devastated. It was so unfair.

I cannot help but wonder where accountability falls into play. Then, that seems insensitive because mental illness is not a made up illness. Maybe the insensitivity behind mental illness is partly to blame. Which means I am partly to blame–most of us are partly to blame.

We don’t hesitate to feel for and want to help with those who have physical ailments. You have someone who is diagnosed with bipolar and it is different. We get mad at them when they once again have made a bad choice. It is hard not to be upset when someone else’s bad choices hurt those around them. I get it. Oh do I get it because I watchd it over and over again.

Up until this very moment I never realized how much drugs changed my life.

Somewhere in time, I almost forgot I had an aunt. I would see her on Christmas and a few other times throughout the year. I guess there were a few times I actually saw the real her. The time I remember the most was at my baby shower. I was surprised she came and even more surprised she brought a present. As I began opening it, I saw a glimpse of familiar color. I soon realized it was my baby blanket. She knew my mom would lose it (which is so true)…so she saved it all those years for me for my baby shower.

I cannot help but think of the countless times she moved. Every time she carried along with her my baby blanket and I had no idea. I wonder if my blanket brought her any comfort. Was it some reminder of who she once was?

Mental illness and drugs are indeed a horrible combination. The insensitivity and ignorance toward them are as well though. I know it is hard to think of the person they once were. It is hard to think somewhere under all the gunk the person still remains. Maybe we are playing God when we feel the person is beyond hope; when we forget the person is still in there struggling beyond what we can ever imagine.

Oh, how Satan want us to forget that person…

And I did. I forgot she still existed. I forgot how even the glimpse of her who still remained deserved grace, forgiveness, and love. Just like we all deserve those things. I pray the last moments of her life she called out to God. Oh I pray…
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September 29, 2016

christianity, drugs, Family, forgiveness, God, life
What if we are known by…
Here it goes…

We may not understand why things happen. We may think things aren’t fair. We compare our lives to others and think we deserve what the other has or even more than what they have. We like to think of ourselves as good and we like to think our way of thinking makes the most sense.

We get disappointed in others and play the ‘what if’ game. What if I was raised in a nicer neighborhood? What if my parents were nicer to me? What if I had sisters instead of a brothers? What if my parents took me to church as a child? What if…?

What if we stopped? What if we actually began to realize God places us where we need to be? I know there are many people out there that loathe the “everything happens for a reason” response to life. I have felt this way as well. Because, let’s face it, life can completely suck at times. Some people coast through life and others don’t. The problem is––we begin to lose our trust in His perfect plan when we stop believing God has us where He needs us.

Maybe that is what Satan wants. He wants us to believe we are greater than others and when bad things happen it isn’t fair. (Let the arm crossing and stomping and slamming doors commence.) I cannot recall anywhere in the bible where it says life is supposed to be fair. There is sin in this world. Life will never be fair. I know I sound insensitive. But, think of it this way. How fair was it when Christ died on the cross for every bad thing you ever have or will do? He was without sin. Think of all the sins you commit in one day because you justify them. You think it is okay because you are having a rough day or week or year.

Trust me, I am preaching to myself as well here.

We need to stop thinking we are so great. We need to stop believing life owes us more than what it can give us. We need to rise up and humble ourselves. We need to fully trust God. We somehow think we can be of this world when it suits us. As a result, our fruit is withering.

How do we expect to bring others to Christ when we are living just like them? None of this has anything to do with earning salvation. None of this has anything to do with being better than others. We can’t earn anything and we are no better than others. But we can be more fruitful if we allow the Holy Spirit to work through us. Have Christians become lazy? Do we think since we have salvation through the blood that we can do as we please? I am just so very frustrated. I know there is more we can be doing.

God gave us all beautifully unique gifts. We need to be thankful for these gifts and use them. We need to open our bible no matter how busy and unfair life becomes. Faith is more than a Sunday morning thing. It is more than an hour of your time during bible study. Those things are still important, of course, because they are there to prepare us to share the good news. Sharing the good news is the point, right?

We all know that sharing the good news is more than the words we speak. Again this may not be fair…but…people are watching you because you are a christian. When they see you living like everyone else they become desensitized to the importance of Christ’s blood. Let us show them the way by the fruit we bear. Aaah, just imagine all we could do.

So I ask, what are you known by?

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

~Matthew 7:16-20
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August 2, 2016