I cannot help but to fully believe it was part of the journey God needed me to be on. I don’t know if I could have grown any other way. The grudge was my desert. Only He knew how long I needed to thirst and struggle and endure the weariness of the desert life. Little did I know during those years He was molding me into a shade tree. God gave me the gift of mercy and it was cultivated by learning what it felt like to yearn for the very shade I would become.
I was entangled by the consequences of the grudge. It consumed me, my peace, and halted my faith in many ways. I didn’t know if I could ever get back to the child-like faith I once had.
My biggest obstacle was I felt as though my anger was justified, although it wasn’t me personally that was hurt. How could someone pretend? How could someone not feel guilty for hurting another? How can someone put up with another’s poor choices? How weak could one be?
Maturity guided me. Life opened my eyes. Pain released my misconceptions. Forgiveness came in layers. I knew it would not be easy. But, I also knew the path of releasing myself from the grudge would strengthen me.
This is what I found on my journey:
- In order to truly feel God’s forgiveness you must forgive others.
- Do not expect others to live up to the expectations you have for them. You never know what desert God is leading them into. You never know what failures will strengthen them.
- We are all hypocrites. That is why we need God.
- No one is perfect. We are all weak. Again, that is why we need God.
- Be patient. God is there, always!
- You may forgive someone to find they screw it all up once again. You must forgive them again and again.
- You have to work at forgiving others. It doesn’t always come naturally, but it does get easier.
- You hurt people too. Someone may be struggling to forgive you.
- And lastly, always remember the cross and you will see the light.
Through the Stillness 
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