April 14, 2020


It is Tuesday. The kids are done with school. My husband is working from home. I am drinking a cup of decaf and relaxing by myself. Yesterday, the boys were grumpy and it was not an easy day. I guess I was grumpy too. Our day did not flow as easily as days past. Luckily today has been wonderful and I am grateful for this chance to breathe and write.

Sunday was Easter. I missed being able to go to a building filled with fellow believers, because I love celebrating with other believers. I missed going to my aunts house filled with family, because I feel as though we don’t see them quite often enough. I missed watching my kids find Easter eggs with my cousins kids, because it reminds me of my own childhood.

The things I missed naturally left a nagging pain. There’s a freedom I never recognized as freedom, but as more of just ordinary life. It was taken from me, from all of us. Thank you very much, Covid-19.

It reminded me of all the things I miss about ordinary life. I miss people, the ones I know and the ones I don’t know. I miss going to the store and connecting with the person standing in line behind me or the cashier. I miss watching my kids meet new friends at a park or watching them with their close friends. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss so much.

Since all of this began, there has been the blessing of being able to spend more time with family. Life has slowed down and we have prayed more, read the bible more, laughed more, and simply grown closer. The losses, though? There have been so many losses at the same time.

So yeah, it was a different kind of Easter. We made the best out of it and made wonderful memories. We watched church in our pajamas, had a very fun Easter egg hunt, ate way too much, and even prank called my brother. I allowed myself to feel the depth and joy that surrounded me…all the while allowing myself to miss all that I missed.

I cannot help to think the very first Easter was much the same. He had risen! Hallelujah! Their tangible savior, their visible savior they shared life with was gone, though. The only semi-relatable moment I can think of was when I lost my grandma. I knew she was in heaven. I knew it was God’s will. I imagine those close to Jesus felt closer to God and closer to the good and bad of their own humanity in that moment. And, they were forever changed because of it. God knew that was the only way.

I feel the same. Okay, maybe not exactly as much as they would have felt. Still though, I feel closer to God and closer to the good and bad of my own humanity. And, I too am forever changed because of all of it. How about you?

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