There was a situation with one of my boys that left him feeling insecure, hurt, and a bit angry. The words he used, the expressions on his face, and his slumped shoulders unsettled some past dust in my own life. Feeling his pain and my own, I embraced him and prayed for guidance before I spoke. The first thing I could think to say was that I knew exactly how he felt. He straightened up and looked me in the eyes. I nodded and repeated my sentence. I spoke about not feeling like your enough for some people. His head plopped down and rested on my shoulder. We talked a little bit more, but it was one of those moments where I felt he needed my quiet presence more than my words. It was one of those moments where I felt my husband, his dad, needed to do the guiding. Boy, that’s not easy to do as a mom. It worked though. Dad to the rescue!
The feeling of not being enough for someone hurts. It hurts more than I like to admit out loud. No matter how far I’ve come in my life, no matter how much I’ve come to accept my weaknesses and limits I struggle with this still. I know with full confidence that I cannot be enough for everyone all the time and yet I wish I could be.
Maybe it is natural to feel this way, maybe we all feel this from time to time. I know it is okay to be hurt and embrace hurt feelings. I think it leads to becoming more sensitive in the treatment of others. I just don’t want it to paralyze my kids like it has me in the past. I guess this can be where I try to shift their thinking or at least teach them to be aware of the instability of self-confidence.
Our weaknesses will inevitably come to the surface at times. Trying to rely on our fickle feelings or the opinions of others can lead to more pain. Learning to lean into pure confidence in Christ, into His steady arms, is what I want for my kids. Heck, it is what I want for myself as well. You know, no matter how far I’ve come in my faith journey there’s always moments that remind me of how much further I can still go. Hmm…thank God for that.