I go to church. I wish I could be there every single day. I really do. Before someone thinks it, I already know going to church doesn’t make you a Christian. I need church, though. I think most Christians do. I need it so much and the truth is I cannot wait for summer to be over so bible studies start up again. Without church, without fellowship with other Christians, without learning with and from other Christians I believe my faith would weaken.
I wasn’t always this faithful. Well maybe I was–I just didn’t walk the walk of what was inside of me. Through my late teens and early twenties especially, I fought my beliefs. I went to church…just not as much as I should have or not as much as what the pull inside of me was saying I should. I was going along in life against the current, trying to figure it out on my own.
We all have stories and I could go into the details of why I went against the current…but does it really matter why? We all can relate to this feeling. Why do we make things harder on ourselves? There is always a backstory to our reasoning. Sometimes it is okay and other times we have to throw the backstory out the window and let it fly away so we can live our true life. The life we were meant to live…the life that helps us sleep better at night….the life that has always dwelled inside of each of us.
Anyway, I was going against the current and I was tired. I gave up the fight because all things kept pointing to Him. I was never a bad person…far from perfect..but it was never a morality thing with me. I was afraid to live my faith. I thought I wanted what the world had to give, but I never felt it was enough. I realized what I needed was beyond what this world could give. I needed to allow God’s love to work through me. I needed to accept His love. He was always there with outreached arms waiting for me because He loves me. I can imagine Him thinking, “It’s about time, Stacy.” Actually it was more me thinking it to myself. He knew how stubborn I was going to be…He’s God.
I think of my love for my children, words cannot begin to describe the depth of my love for them. My love strengthens them, it gives them hope, and it encourages them to not give up when times get hard. I asked Oliver the other day if he knew how much I loved him. His response was, “Too much.” I do love them too much and the crazy thing is the Lord loves me even more than that. His love for us is deeper than any love we will ever know. It is simply hard to fathom, but I know it is true.
I have a hard time explaining His love and why I am a Christian. Sometimes, I look back on some of my posts and the words are simply hogwash in comparison to how I feel. That’s it though! That’s the point to all of this. When it comes to God’s love and grace and the importance of the cross…words will always fail.