Category: life

The Road to Forgiveness
I cannot help but to fully believe it was part of the journey God needed me to be on. I don’t know if I could have grown any other way. The grudge was my desert. Only He knew how long I needed to thirst and struggle and endure the weariness of the desert life. Little did I know during those years He was molding me into a shade tree. God gave me the gift of mercy and it was cultivated by learning what it felt like to yearn for the very shade I would become.

I was entangled by the consequences of the grudge. It consumed me, my peace, and halted my faith in many ways. I didn’t know if I could ever get back to the child-like faith I once had.

My biggest obstacle was I felt as though my anger was justified, although it wasn’t me personally that was hurt. How could someone pretend? How could someone not feel guilty for hurting another? How can someone put up with another’s poor choices? How weak could one be?

Maturity guided me. Life opened my eyes. Pain released my misconceptions. Forgiveness came in layers. I knew it would not be easy. But, I also knew the path of releasing myself from the grudge would strengthen me.

This is what I found on my journey:
- In order to truly feel God’s forgiveness you must forgive others.
- Do not expect others to live up to the expectations you have for them. You never know what desert God is leading them into. You never know what failures will strengthen them.
- We are all hypocrites. That is why we need God.
- No one is perfect. We are all weak. Again, that is why we need God.
- Be patient. God is there, always!
- You may forgive someone to find they screw it all up once again. You must forgive them again and again.
- You have to work at forgiving others. It doesn’t always come naturally, but it does get easier.
- You hurt people too. Someone may be struggling to forgive you.
- And lastly, always remember the cross and you will see the light.
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February 25, 2022

christianity, cross, faith, forgiveness, God, Jesus, life, peace, trusting God
All About That Grace (‘Bout That Grace)
“Oliver, please stop talking about this stuff,” Luke pleaded.

Oliver rolled his eyes, looked at me and replied, “What do you think someone like me is going to talk about? Oooh look at this food. It is so good. Haha, I’m not going to talk about stuff like that!”

“Yea, Oliver. We all know you only like talking about deep stuff,” I said laughing.

Luke then rolled his eyes and said some sarcastic remark. You know, the usual big brother remark. We all laughed because what Luke said was actually pretty funny. A sense of humor is the one common bond we all have in this house. Luke and Oliver are polar opposites when it comes to conversational topics. Oliver can talk about deep subjects for hours on end. Luke likes to move on after a bit and keep things light. Luke gets weary from thinking too much and Oliver gets exhilarated from thinking too much. You get my point.

Oliver finished his snack and then came over and sat on the couch next to me. “Mommy, we sure have talked about some good stuff today. Haven’t we? We talked about Jesus. Then Heaven. Then…”

Something Oliver had talked about got me thinking about something that always weighs heavy on me. He wanted to know why everyone doesn’t believe in Jesus. Why do people believe in different things? What exactly is it that other people believe in? I love to counter him with other questions. So, I asked him what we should do if we have a friend who has different beliefs. Do we stop being friends with them? His response was awesome. He said no, not at all. You should be even nicer to them.

Grace, give them grace.

It was a proud momma moment, but it was also a good reminder to myself. I’m telling you, my kids point me back to Christ with their childlike faith! I love it. Anyhow, back to my point. Christianity is all about that grace. That’s what sets us apart. We can tell people the difference between right and wrong. We can post scripture on Facebook. We can tell them to go to church and get involved. We can wear our ‘Jesus Loves Me’ t-shirts. We can do everything we feel Christians should do. But, if we are not ending everything we do and say with explaining and showing the power of God’s grace, we are failing terribly. I am failing terribly.

We are not just failing, we are driving people away from the beauty of the cross––the one thing we all yearn for and need. God loves us so much that he offers us grace powerful enough to work through us despite the fact that we will always fall short. Good stuff, isn’t it?

Next time I want to differentiate between right and wrong…next time I want to post scripture…next time I want to invite someone to church…next time I want to show or display my Christianity, I will end it with what every imperfect human needs to hear. Why? Because it’s all about that grace (’bout that grace).

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Jesus Christ. (Romans 3:23-24)
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February 9, 2018

christianity, faith, grace, life
Like a Tree in a Field
There is something about a tree in a field that triggers my contemplative side. I want to pull over to the side of the road, get out, simply sit under it, and just be. I often wonder where the fascination came from or why one would be so drawn to a tree in the field.

It’s just, I cannot help but to notice their beauty and their sense of not caring that everything else around them is a part of something they are not. Everything else is growing differently and everything else will have much more in common. The tree proudly stands with its own purpose. Rooted in the same soil and yet so different and less plentiful than the others.

Today and most days, I feel the same. It is as though I am alone or at a distance from others like me. I am rooted in a field that yields something I cannot conform to. Just like a tree in a field, I can stand proud in my own purpose…in God’s will.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
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February 2, 2018

christianity, faith, life, peace
Changing Tires.
Driving fast down an old dirt road, I kept glancing in the mirror at my kids in the backseat. Their eyes told me their discomfort was rising. My husband’s tension was evident by his firm grip on the wheel. The low tire pressure alert lit up on the dashboard. We just wanted to get to where we were going. We had too many things to do. We kept going.

Soon, we could feel the tire wouldn’t last much longer. We stopped at a gas station and filled it with more air. The old dirt road once again wore the tire down. I reached over for my husband’s arm. When his eyes met mine, we nodded without saying a word. We pulled over to the side of the road.

I told the kids to get out of the car. “But mom, we have things to do,” my oldest said.

“I know son, but we cannot keep driving on a tire that keeps losing air. It must be fixed. Everything else will have to wait,” I said as I pulled him close and kissed the top of his head.

My husband began working on the tire. I laid a blanket down in the grass and sat patiently with the boys. Instinctively, the boys quickly fell into the rhythm of waiting. At times, my husband took a break from his work and we simply existed together as a family. Time slowed down. With the slowing down, our vision cleared and our hearts began to beat as one.

Once the worn down tire was fixed, we realized the other tires needed work as well. Once the work was done, we climbed back in and continued on our journey. Feeling refreshed, renewed, and refocused, a sense of freedom and peace overcame us…

Today, we roll down our windows and breathe in the fresh air. There is strong admiration of the scenery and no sense of hurry. We turn down the road of 2018 feeling like a new shiny car that is full of hope, love, and excitement.

The love in a family makes it possible to endure a year like 2016. The love of God is what gives us the guidance to stop and be still––so we can gather the strength needed for the journey He intends for us. I thank you, God.

The end.
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January 5, 2018

christianity, faith, Family, life, love
Be Paul
Thinking of my own zeal, a zeal that I sometimes could turn down a notch, I can see Paul and his mission better. Inspiration whirls through my soul and my hope is that it can whirl through yours as well…

“For it is by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV) Those words reawakened my faith as an adult. It was an ‘aha’ moment where all my questions and all the things that didn’t quite make sense took flight––never to be seen again. That was the moment I was brought back to the true Gospel.

When I think of Paul coming from the background of being a Pharisee, it makes sense. Although, Ephesians 2:8-9 are not the main verses weighing on me, they tie together my point and show how strongly I can relate to Paul. I feel the power in his words and can imagine how he felt as he wrote them. I see him writing those words and then pausing for a moment to bask in the peace those words bring.

Galatians 1 was the focus for bible study last week. I opened my bible and instead of listening as I should have been, I saw the underlined words I felt were important to remember at some point in my life. Those words carried me into my own mind.

“Paul, an apostle—sent not from men nor by a man, but by Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised him from the dead.” (Galatians 1:1) I don’t remember why or when I wanted to remember that verse, but it somehow brings more depth not knowing. Sent not by man are good words to remember and they bring me a strength I cannot hold on my own.

“I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel—which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ.” (Galatians 1:6-7) I had this part highlighted. It is clear that we live in a world where the gospel is confused, twisted, and denied in different ways. I realize we are sinners and never will be perfect. The things is, the gospel is the core of christianity. There are too many that simply get it wrong. They forget about grace to the point they are diminishing the power of the cross. They are instead (and maybe not intentionally) trying to carry the power in their own pockets.

“…my immediate response was not to consult any human being.” (Galatians 1:16) My uneven blue inked line told me I had quickly wanted to remember those words. Maybe it was because I was engrossed in the words that followed, but knew I wanted to remember those as well. We need to hear this every day of our lives. When we feel the Holy Spirit is leading us to do something, how many times do we immediately do it? How many times do we seek validation from man instead of God?

Galatians 1 is packed full of insight, obviously. More than that, it shows our present world and our present struggle as Christians. Christians are being divided and christianity is under a a microscope. I think if we are honest, we can see that in some ways it should be. Many have strayed. Many are bound by the chains of losing sight of the truth. Be a Paul in someone’s life and point them back to the true meaning of the Gospel. Bring them back to freedom.
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October 12, 2017
Easy like Sunday Morning
I’m easy like Sunday morning…

That song popped up in my head this morning. I guess it goes to show how much sarcasm is simply wired in my brain. Oh boy, at least I make myself laugh. ‘Cause let me tell you, this lovely Sunday morning started out as anything but easy.

My youngest had a hard time staying in his Sunday school class. We eventually bribed him. Mom of the year award, right? He eventually walked in the classroom and plopped on the floor with his arms crossed. Just as sarcasm flows through my veins, stubbornness flows through Oliver’s. At least he isn’t crying, I thought and off I went to meet Matt to head to our bible class. After I checked on him a couple more times, that is.

After dealing with that, we weren’t eager to get to class. We went, of course. It took a few minutes and a few deep breaths to be able to focus. The subject was on slowing down, something I actually just blogged on recently. Gotta love the way God reinforces things for us. There is something about slowing down that sometimes leads us to feel guilty. We shouldn’t, but it’s as though we feel we can’t say no. We feel like we are being lazy if our calendars aren’t filled to the brim. Anyway, the leader even had all of us stop and sit silently for a full minute. Powerful to think of a room full of adults in complete silence.

After class and before worship started, Matt whispered how he was glad we went to class this morning. I nodded and added how funny it is that Satan works hard on those Sunday mornings when you really need to hear something. Satan sure is a jerk!

Like I have said before. Don’t just turn to God. Turn away to God. Turn away from the busyness, the distractions, and all the other noise of this world. When we don’t stop and sit at the feet of Jesus––when we don’t stop and study His word––just think of what we are really missing. His still small voice is what we are missing and that is what we need more than anything in this crazy world.
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September 24, 2017

christianity, church, faith, God, Jesus, life, peace, rest, slowing down
Freedom
Scattered heavy raindrops began to fall from the sky as I played in a nearby tennis court with my friends during our brothers baseball game. Slowly, the sporadic rain turned into a steady rainfall. My friends and I lifted our arms high and tilted our heads back as we allowed the rain to land in our open mouths. I remember the laughter that flowed from us and the glances that bonded us in that moment. Time slowed and we were nothing else but free.

Sitting here thinking of that moment, I can almost feel the same freedom I felt that day. I believe if it were to start raining right now I would want to run outside and try to relive it. I wouldn’t actually do it though. Well, unless my kids were with me. I would feel like an idiot standing in the rain by myself.

We all yearn for freedom. Look at the world around you. People are always seeking and fighting for it. Or, they’re in pain because they can’t find it or simply don’t have the strength to fight for it. What I see are people clinging to the the wrong kind of freedom or things that are not freedom at all. They just think or hope it is. Because those freedoms are always in exchange for something else. I wonder if deep down they feel a void knowing it isn’t what they really need to be seeking. Those freedoms are only temporary, they are shallow puddles that will soon dry.

Like me standing in the rain. That free feeling ceased. My friends and I became bored and cold. I remember having no towel in the car and I couldn’t wait to get home to change into dry clothes. Dry socks never felt so good. The rain was a fleeting childhood freedom. Some of my best memories surround such freedoms. Childhood freedoms, although innocent and pure, will never give us what we need.

There is only one real freedom in this life and that is freedom in Christ. Many of us “adult” christians know this already. Yet, we hesitate like I do when the thought of playing in the rain crosses my mind. Why can’t we fully embrace this freedom? We’re all sinners, duh. I wonder though…what would happen if we started running and clinging to Him like a child, regardless of what sin was standing in the way? Childlike faith, I believe it’s called (wink wink).

Would we better sway people away from the false freedoms they are rooted in if they saw us clinging more to the truth our hearts hold so dear? I think about my kids and the type of faith I want them to carry throughout their lives. I picture them standing in the rain with their arms up high and heads tilted back because they know freedom, real freedom, never will cease.
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September 22, 2017

christianity, drugs, faith, Family, freedom, God, hope, Jesus, life, peace
Stepping Out
Today we have plans to spend the day at the pool, our favorite family hangout place as of this summer. The weather is not quite warm enough, but we may suffer through because the pool closes for the season after today. As I am waiting and hoping for the breeze to slow a bit so we can go, I sit on our deck and am quite enjoying the breeze. So, I cannot make up my mind if I love or hate it. Oh the fickleness of it all.

There is something in a warm breeze that pulls me in. A few minutes ago, I started thinking of love and life and the different ways each and every one of us sees and feels and lives. It is overwhelming, if you think of it, how different we all are. Yes, we all have common ground and I believe you can find common ground with anyone, if you let go of your judgements and preconceived ideas of people.

If you were to be able to see through someone else’s eyes, I bet you’d see world much more different than you could possibly imagine. I think of my two boys for example. Same parents, same opportunities, same many other things. They’re opposite in the ways they take on life. They give love differently. They receive love differently.

I love my boys and I know they love me, of course. They are amazing in their own ways. I cannot imagine my life without them. One, though, is harder to understand…harder to reach. He doesn’t talk about his feelings as the other does. The other is much more like me. We talk and think things through. We are very much in touch with ourselves. We don’t get through anything without talking and expressing our feelings. When he is mad, people need to listen to how he feels and almost magically his anger dissolves.

The other doesn’t want to talk, he is quite the opposite. He does better when people let him be to sort through it on his own. I feel as though it is his way of maintaining control. Maintaining control over his life gives him peace. He appears to be more dismissive toward people who feel the need to talk. So, expressing feelings towards him sometimes feels as though he doesn’t care. I know he does care. He has a huge heart. He just is different.

Why wouldn’t someone want to talk through their feelings? One boy thinks.

Why does someone need to talk through their feelings? The other thinks.

God made people to have their own unique strengths. Those strengths can make it hard for people to understand each other. That could be where where we screw up. I mean, we aren’t God and we shouldn’t think we hold so much power as to understanding where people come from all the time. Do we even have the right to? We need to start seeing that understanding is sometimes overrated. Maybe it’s in the not understanding where the true beauty lies. Because, that is when we step out of ourselves and into something bigger and more meaningful…unconditional love.

The end.
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September 4, 2017
Raw
The last year and a half has been rough on me. I haven’t wanted to fully admit it (even to myself) and I especially haven’t felt like discussing it. I don’t want to go into all the particulars that has caused this. Life is life and it isn’t always pleasant. For someone like myself, there is nothing harder than to watch bad things or bad times fall upon people I care about. I’m not saying this to prove I’m a good person, but I’d much rather have bad things happen to myself than to my peeps. That is the good and bad of the gift of mercy. I presume every gift has a weakness and Satan uses that weakness to try to tear us down.

Sometimes it is all the little instances that build rather than just one thing. A cousin commits suicide, an aunt overdoses and dies, an old friend dies, and the other instances I do not wish to share. My cousin left me hurting due to all the pain he endured and felt he couldn’t endure any longer. My aunt, where do I begin? I have fond memories of her wit and creativity. I also have painful memories of watching someone slowly destroy their life over many years. My old friend left me thinking of what more christians can and should do for those who live differently…those who have been dragged down, beaten, and have made poor choices because of this thing called life. Actually, everything from this past year and a half have left me thinking that.

My life has been rather “easy” compared to most. I know that and I am thankful. Maybe it has made it easier to have the faith I have. My struggles are insignificant compared to some and maybe that has made me “weaker”. I know some whom feel I haven’t truly lived. I must disagree. I believe we live through not just our own experiences, but through others as well. Our lives are connected and our lives have the power to alter the lives of others. Our lives are far from being isolated, that is a fact. Yes, I know no one else truly knows what it is like to live in thine own shoes, but that does not mean it doesn’t give insight and life to those around.

My somewhat easy life has left me raw and has left me stumbling. Last night, Matt and I had a conversation that I was yearning for and didn’t even realize I was. He thanked me for all the sacrifices I have made for our family and others. He told me he notices all I do. He said he doesn’t know how I do all I do. It made me weep uncontrollably. I did not know how much I needed to release. Those cleansing tears have left me feeling lighter today. Crazy what a few words from a loving husband can do for a person.
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August 18, 2017

christianity, Family, life, love, marriage, peace
The Judgement Files-Exposed
Picture yourself standing in front of a crowd of people. They are your friends, family, and acquaintances. The lights dim and a spotlight begins to shine on you. A screen behind you begins to list every bad deed you have ever committed. It lists every bad thought, every bad word you have ever said, and every bad deed you have done. You are exposed.

Someone you’ve known your entire life stands up and says, “I can no longer be your friend.” She leaves. Others stand and leave with her.

Someone else says, “I will be your friend, but I will never look at you the same.” He sits back down.

The next person says, “You will have to prove your worth to me before I can forgive you.” He leaves. Others stand and leave with him.

One more person stands. She begins to walk down the aisle toward you. Once she is near, she reaches out for your hand. She yells out to the remaining people, “I have done just as many wrong things in my life. The only difference is that my sins…your sins have not been exposed. They are not on display for all to see.” She looks at you and says, “I love you. I forgive you. Now let’s go grab a bite to eat.” You two leave and a few others follow.

THE END.

P.S. Which person do you want to be like?
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April 30, 2017