Staring out my window, I see crab apple tree branches full of tiny fruits. The dangling red clusters are so exquisite against the grayish blue autumn sky. It seems to be the perfect contrast. I can’t stop staring. I can’t stop feeling so flipping poetic as I get lost in my mind and sip on my french pressed coffee. It’s quite funny, like I’m living out my own artsy fartsy independent film. A short film, that is.
I soon remember what’s to come. The tiny little fruits will soon fall onto my favorite parking spot. Little red splotches will appear on my pretty white car. Gooey clumps sure to get stuck on the bottom of little shoes that aren’t as little as they used to be, but still little enough to not pay attention to or care about the mess they track through the house. What will remain are bare branches my eyes disregard for lack of beauty. Bare branches that only leave my mind to yearn for something more.
Just. Like. That. My poetic-ness is gone.
The beauty of nature overtaken by the prospect of a mess I will one day have to clean up. Under the picture perfect window view lies a cluttered counter of dirty dishes. I wonder how many hours of my lifetime I’ve spent on dishes…on laundry…on picking up after other people. I glance at my clock calculating how much time I get to pretend I’m an ever inspired writer before I have to turn back into a mom who has X amount of minutes to get my ‘mom’ duties done and pick my kids up from school.
Let me go back to my artsy fartsy moment just a little while longer. Oh, there we go, aahhhh. I now know why there are windows over kitchen sinks. Women need them to escape the monotony. The problem now is that my coffee is cold. Truly the life of a mom. Our coffee always gets cold before we get a chance to finish it. Can someone invent a pretty mug with a built in warmer already? Not a thermos style one. The pretty mug is also part of the mom gig.
I really do love my life, though. I love being a mom and feel like more than anything else in this world, I was made to be a mom. The messes and all. I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s just, there’s more to me than being a mom. There has to be more. My kids need to see there’s more.
When I don’t take time to allow my pondering poetic side to come out, I forget to show my kids how to live out their own poems. It makes life more fulfilling, doesn’t it? When I don’t let my kids entertain themselves so I can sneak downstairs to tap dance, my kids don’t see the importance of holding on to themselves when their busy adult lives want to swallow them up. Surely, it does feel like I’m being swallowed up at times. When I don’t ignore the dishes for one more hour so I can write, I neglect the me beyond the me that only thinks of what mess I need to clean up next. There is always some sort of mess, always.
I don’t have much advice when it comes to being a mom. I feel like if you are doing the best to make sure your kids become kind and humble or whatever else you may feel is important (for us it is faith in Christ) than you are on the right track. Just don’t forget it’s okay let go of your duties and to hold on to your window view a little while longer.