Through the Stillness

I might be in the midst of the busiest week of the year. My mind has been spinning with all that needs to be done and all the places and times we need to be wherever it is we need to be. Yet, earlier today I forced myself into a much needed pause.

When on the brink of negative emotions, I pause. It is the number one thing that has been essential since I started homeschooling––well actually has been essential my entire life. It is a theme repeated over and over again in my blog and in my everyday conversations with those I am closest to.

I think of all my family has accomplished this year and astonished doesn’t quite seem to cover it. By the end of 2018 my spirit was crushed, as was the rest of my household’s. My mind carries me through the detailed list of the craziness of our house renovations, the few health scares I had, kidney stones that threw Matt for a loop, Luke’s struggles, and Oliver who had to sit back and just endure it all with us. Wow, just wow.

Sunday morning Luke slept in until 9:30. I had to wake him up because church started at 10:15. Talk about rushing out the door! How delightful the little act of him sleeping in was to me when I remembered our reality not too long ago. Back even in early January his body, his tics, wouldn’t settle down enough to allow him to even fall asleep. Now, he’s falling asleep on his own and sleeping in. Luke still may have his thorns, but boy, I love seeing the peace he has found despite all of them. It brings me great joy to watch him thrive more each week.

Today, Oliver’s smile stretched wide as he ran toward me. The excitement to see my face after a long day at school revived him. I could just see the love in his eyes. At almost seven years old, my little old soul brings joy and peace as he enjoys the simple presence of another. He talks about his day and gives us his every thought…which I might add is pretty thorough. This year he’s truly developed into himself. Sunday morning he walked over to a table, looked up to an older man and said, “Well, hello there.” It took the man off guard because the Oliver’s tone did not match what you’d expect from a little guy. The man finally chuckled and said hello back. Now, he definitely has his crazy boy moments…especially with his friends…but I love to see how much he’s grown to be comfortable in his own skin since things have calmed down for the rest of us.

Through my pause, I find solace. I find strength and I am reminded of all our blessings. I am reminded of how God has been here through our struggles and He alone has carried us through. My dear Lord. My reason to wake up before the rest of my family to have my quiet moments with God in prayer and in His word. My reason to pause in the midst of a crazy day just because. My why I can have peace, real peace, after a long day like today that led my brain to feel like it could literally (almost literally?) explode. I couldn’t do this life with all the weight I must carry without You, God. I simply thank you.