Our entire church is doing a bible study, even the children are doing their own version. It is broken down by week and each week has a challenge. Then every day has a reading and challenge that pertains to the challenge of the week. This week’s challenge is on ‘being’. It is funny and fascinating that the frigid cold weather has forced us into a state of being. It’s as though God chuckled and said, “I’ll see to it that these peeps get the most out of this challenge.” I cannot help but wonder what next week will bring!
As you may know, I homeschool one kid and the other goes to public school. Oliver has been home with us due to school closures. Yesterday, my husband’s work was closed as well. So, we all stayed at home. It was nice. I didn’t have the kids do any work, besides cleaning their rooms. I made some homemade soup. We really didn’t do much of anything, but I have a feeling the boys will have fond memories of yesterday.
A while ago, I deactivated my Facebook account. No surprise since I often take breaks from social media. I like to be handsfree. I don’t like pausing in those moments that are meant to be special to snap a picture. Or pause to think the moment would make a cute post to share. It isn’t that I don’t ever take pictures, I love me some pictures. It is just I don’t feel like I need to take as many now. I feel more present not carrying my phone around as though it is an extension of me. Because it isn’t. It isn’t supposed to be.
So yeah, I felt this week would not be a challenge for me because I naturally like ‘being’. I named my blog Through the Stillness, for goodness sake. Boy, was I wrong. It hit me (well it more like knocked the wind out of me). There is one area of my life where I struggle to just be and trust my Father in heaven. When a loved one is struggling I step in and want to do and then do some more to fix the problem. I don’t rest when I know someone I deeply care about is hurting. I also blame myself when things don’t get better for them, as if it is my fault. It isn’t such a horrible way to be. No one should struggle alone. Everyone should have someone who will walk along with them and help when they need it. It is just, I have to leave room for and trust God’s will to be done. Even when His will is causing pain that I cannot fix..or better said…fix on my own. Ugh. What made me think I should fix problems on my own, anyhow?
I’m thankful for this week and for the storm that has given me the time to pause and see my weakness in the area of being. How beautiful it is to see the incessant way God chips away at us.