We moved into our house about 4 years ago. Four years! It struck me quite hard a while back when we began planning the remodeling of our home. I started to think of the time and in many ways my mind went blank. That really resonated with me because I love memories and I love thinking––so rarely do I draw a blank. It led to an anxiety and an itching to just pack up and move again. Was this not the right place for us to put down roots? Because as far as my past goes, there have been moments and vivid memories that I can almost physically relive in every single house that I have ever lived in. I’ve lived in a lot of houses. So that speaks volumes!
The vagueness of the time passed pulled me into a deep evaluation of my life. The moments, events, and just other things I thought would end up being significant or at least lead to a sort of compelling conclusion ended or passed rather dim. The odd thing is the vagueness itself became quite profound. It led to a deeper understanding and love of life as I know.
My parents were in town last month. My dad had a couple VHS tapes from my uncle that we decided to watch. There was no sound to the movies. The smiles told more than any sound could have told anyhow. It was just my family doing what families do. Most were in my great-grandma’s old kitchen filled with many people who are no longer with us. Some of them passed old and a couple too young.
There was one clip with my grandma sitting at the table. At the time she was a wife and mom of three kids visiting her parents and other family. She was happy. I felt it through the screen. Since I too was visiting with my parents who live out of state, I connected to her in that moment even more. Being a mom when your mom lives out of state is sometimes hard. When you get a chance to visit, there’s a sense of relief and weight that temporarily lifts from your shoulders. At least that is how it is for me. I imagine it was the same for my grandma. I imagine there were many things the same for her at that time. She was in the same stage of life as I am. She was a wife and a mom living an ordinary life. She very well could have thought back at the last four years of her life and had only vague memories of the time passed in her home, just like me.
Those vague memories, my vague memories of the mundane are what create a beautiful life. To think, all it takes is a table filled with loved ones. If only we all could have those moments recorded to be seen years later. We’d realize how simple it all can be.