I know where I stand on the issue. Never have I heard a strong argument to make me doubt my stance. Still though, I have a hard time announcing my stance. I don’t enjoy shaming people for choices they make. I haven’t been in their shoes. I have made choices in my life that I regret, everyone has. I am not perfect. I am not taking the ‘high horse’ stance on this. I am no better than anyone. I cannot stress that enough. I know someone will be offended by these words I am about to say. Someone will think I am being insensitive to those faced with the decision. And––I know I have been blessed to have not been in the position to make the decision. But nonetheless, I know what I would ‘choose’. To me, it just isn’t even my choice to make.
I remember Mother’s Day 2009 very clearly. It is one of those memories I think of and can vividly relive all over again. I was pregnant with my first child. The beauty of real life growing inside of me was magical. It was magical, I don’t know what other word to use. Like I said, I was pregnant. I had yet to feel this life in my arms, I had yet to kiss his little cheek, I had yet to soothe his cries. But still, on that Mother’s Day, I felt joy and I felt honor to be a mom. I was a mom. I was a mom the moment I found out I was pregnant. I know, if I would have miscarried, my mourning and grief would have been real and deep. Because I had life growing inside of me.
No one really chooses to become a parent. It is something we have little control over. Just ask any couple who has struggled to get pregnant. You can make the decision to try, but it isn’t always that easy. I know all the arguments attached to this ‘choice’ to be a parent. But let’s be honest and admit that the real choice is not whether or not you want to be a parent…but rather a choice to kill your child because you don’t want to be a parent.
But what if you were raped? I admit, that is a tough one. It is a heartbreaking thought…I cannot imagine how hard it would be. What would I choose? If I told you I would keep the baby, are you going to tell me I am stupid? Or are you going to tell me I am lying? Or are you going to say I don’t know what I would choose? I know my stance on the issue. I know I would ask myself the option of taking care of the life or ending the life. Yes, I would consider the ‘choice’. I am human after all. Say, I was stricken with disgust and hate because I was raped. Say, the disgust and hate…the pain clouded my true self. Say, I made the ‘choice’. I know that after, I would feel like a murderer. I know the rest of my life, I would live with the pain of being raped and I would live with the pain of killing a life because of it. I ask myself, what would be worse? My answer is the first pain would be hard enough and I wouldn’t want to live with both pains.
Still, I don’t judge anyone who has been faced with the decision. I don’t judge anyone who has made the ‘choice’. But, it makes me sad. Being sad and judging are two different things. The thought keeps me up at night. I pray for those who have made the ‘choice’. I know they will always live with the consequences of their ‘choice’. I know most do not take the decision lightly. I know people feel they have a right to choose and people like having a choice. Like I already said…let’s start being real in stating what the real choice is. It is a choice to raise a kid (or to give up for adoption) or it is a choice to kill.
Let’s stop sugarcoating it.
Through the Stillness 
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